From just their limited interaction that night Jake could tell that Edgar had a problem with accepting or saying what he needed. He had a sense of pride that was endearing in its own little way, but Jake saw what it could do, what it would do over time.

It wasn't like he didn't know how to handle that. This wasn't new to him. He had known many people over time that acted the same way, clung so desperately to dreams of strength and denied what they really wanted. Jake never really saw the sense in that, but then again, he had played from both sides and both positions at various times in his life, and maybe that gave him a better perspective on what people who were solidly on one side or the other felt.

Edgar just stood there for a few seconds, his arms at his sides, apparently unable to decide what to do. Jake put the blame for that solidly on that other guy that Edgar talked about. Edgar said that they were just friends, but Jake had a feeling that if that were the case, the two of them would have broken things off much faster. Probably an ex-boyfriend who couldn't let things go, and God, was Jake familiar with that.

He couldn't believe it though, that Edgar would put up with someone who treated him so badly (he scarred his face! He scarred his #$^#ing face, what the #%$# was that #$%^ about) for so long. Edgar was obviously terrified of this guy, although he might not have been completely aware of how afraid he was, or had become. He didn't think he was that nervous, for example, and Edgar had enough nervous energy to generate flame if put next to some oily rags. In a way, it was both cute but depressing at the same time. God, what was it with Jake and nervous, timid people? He hoped it was some kind of mutual attraction, that made him feel less like a predator of sorts.

But that guy, the guy who did this to him, he was definitely an ex-boyfriend, and Edgar was just too nice to finally give him the boot.

And really, from everything that Edgar had said to him over that night, he didn't seem to want it or deserve it. Like he had fallen into the relationship by accident, and Jake couldn't find the heart to blame him for it. He'd known his share of perpetual victims, the real masochists who found pleasure in the pain others inflicted on them, a kind of weird moral superiority (Jake never understood that when an old boyfriend had explained it to him that way, but he filed away the phrase with the intent of learning more about it at some point in the future), but Edgar wasn't like that. Jake knew it, he could tell. Edgar didn't want this to be happening to him (that was clear enough), but he felt like there was nothing he could do and, to be honest, Jake didn't know enough about what was happening to say that that wasn't true. Maybe Edgar really was stuck with that #$^#er, but he wasn't stuck now.

Jake was going to make sure of that.

Edgar stood there and stared at him and everything about him, from his expression to his posture just screamed at Jake to take the initiative, to tell him or show him what to do. To do something first. God, he was so beat down over time that he was afraid, completely afraid to act for himself. Jake had a girlfriend like that once. God, she said it took years of abuse...years of recovery, how much...

It just made him angrier, more resolved to do things right, to do things right by Edgar and to make things the way they should have been. No one ever deserved that, no one ever deserved to be hurt that way. That was why Jake had refused to hurt his lovers when they asked, and had also refused to be hurt when they expected it.

It didn't have to hurt. Not like that. He'd been hurt emotionally several times, everyone had, but it didn't have to hurt like that and it scared him sometimes to think that there were people out there who didn't know anything else, didn't think there was anything else, or worst of all, knew that it didn't have to hurt but had no choice.

He wouldn't hurt him. Edgar said he had no one in his life, no one except that guy who kept abusing him, so Jake promised himself now that he wouldn't do that. He wasn't going to do that to him. Not tonight.

Jake pulled Edgar close to him, and just as he thought he would, Edgar shivered in response. It was a pathetic little thing and he could feel Edgar trying to suppress it. Trying for that strength again...

It took Edgar a few minutes to return the gesture, to hug him back. Jake was willing to wait and at least that was a good sign, that Jake really hadn't read him wrong this whole time.

Felt him shaking under his grip, still afraid, still instinctually afraid. It shouldn't have to hurt, it shouldn't, it shouldn't and that was one thing that Jake really believed in and...

Jake still couldn't believe that Edgar had been hurt that way, that permanently, and that the two reminders of it were still there right under Edgar's eyes. How could anyone put up with that? Who would let that happen? How could anyone hurt someone who seemed so completely nonthreatening?

Jake thought at first that Edgar had done the scars as an act of defiance, an arty thing. He knew people at his old art school that did that. Then he just hoped that they were self-inflicted in some positive way because the alternative...that someone had done that to him, it was...

God, who could do that? Who could care so little for other people's emotions, for other people in general to do that kind of thing?

And Edgar, the entire night, he'd done nothing wrong, he'd done nothing even remotely irritating, no annoying idiosyncracies or mannerisms. He'd been a total gentleman. Even when he was totally smashed, Edgar was still polite and thoughtful to a fault. How much of that was who Edgar was before, and how much of that was what that guy wanted Edgar to be? #$@$.

He let his hold on him tighten, felt Edgar respond slowly, return the pressure.

It didn't have to hurt and he'd show him, he'd show him for once.

"If anything I do makes you uncomfortable, just tell me, okay?"

Even if Edgar did want some of the decisions of that night out of his control (he screamed submissive in every single way, and Jake wasn't entirely sure how far that went), Jake refused to play into the total dominant role. From what he knew of Edgar, that might do more damage than good. He didn't want to force Edgar to do anything, and even if Edgar wanted Jake to take control, there was a fine line there that Jake felt sure that Edgar's "friend", that #$^#$@#, had crossed and crossed repeatedly. He wasn't doing anything unless Edgar wanted him to.

"I just..." His voice was so shaky. A long time ago he might have been more confident but whatever had happened, whatever abuse he had suffered at his ex's hands, had done its damage. Jake could hear what Edgar was through his words, and he found it made him angry and determined all at once to not repeat the same patterns. Edgar talked of being stuck in a relationship with no power, and Jake was not about to become a surrogate for something that dysfunctional. "I'm..."

"Trust me." Jake rubbed Edgar's back for that second. He was now absolutely positive that Edgar was the type who needed to be held after sex. One of the cuddling types, and Jake wasn't unused to them, or opposed to the idea in any way. It just seemed like Edgar needed to be reassured so desperately that what he was doing was right...no wonder he had freaked out about being a bad person. God, what had that guy done to him?

"Just for a while...I want to feel...I don't want to feel guilty about anything." He could still feel him shaking just slightly under his hands. "I'm not selfish..."

"No, no. No way, Edgar. You're not at all. Everyone wants attention."

"I..."

"Tell me what you want."

Edgar shuddered and Jake wondered if this was the first time he had heard that question. Considering what he had been through, what he had talked about...

"What I want..."

"Mmhmm."

"What do I want..."

Jake wasn't about to press the issue. He waited. Edgar's hands were tightly wound in his shirt, and he felt his grip loosen just slightly.

"I just want...attention..."

"I'm paying attention. I'll pay attention, as long as you want me to..."

"And...and no fear..."

"I won't hurt you."

"I won't..."

"I won't hurt you, no matter what."

"So long..." His voice hitched for a second, and he took a deep breath before speaking again. "I can't even remember when it started, when I started feeling afraid and, and all this time, I've never, I've never stopped..."

"It's just you and me now." He originally assumed that tonight would just be a one-night fling (and from what Edgar had said originally, that seemed to be what Edgar wanted as well), but now Jake felt more involved, enough so that if it would take time to gain Edgar's trust, if it would take time to develop a relationship with him, he was willing to go for it. He was willing to stand here and just hold Edgar if that's what he wanted.

Small steps, to test the boundaries. He took the chance, and he nuzzled Edgar's neck. He felt him grow warm underneath his touch, watched his face flush just slightly. God, he blushed. He seriously actually blushed. That was #$%#ing adorable.

He must have been unused to such attention, Jake guessed, after so long...God, he could only imagine what that guy had done to Edgar while they were having sex.

"Oh, I..."

Jake waited and he felt Edgar tremble underneath his hands, apparently deciding what to do. It was his decision. God, it'd been ages since Jake had ever felt this protective towards anybody. He supposed his last girlfriend had a hand in that.

Edgar tightened his grip on Jake, pulled him closer. His voice became a breathy whisper.

"Notice me..."

Jake could easily guess at just what attention Edgar was asking for.

"Any time you feel uncomfortable..."

Edgar sank into his arms, into his touch.

"Uh huh..."

He wasn't sure just how fast to proceed with this, as he didn't want to spook him (and Edgar seemed the type easily spooked), so Jake at first just held him close. Edgar returned the gesture and that was encouraging enough. Jake pulled away to look Edgar in the face and found that he still looked confused, unsure, but not frightened. He kissed him lightly, and he felt the heat radiating off his face at the contact.

Another kiss and Jake let his hands explore, and Edgar moaned in a way that made Jake feel as though this was his first time being touched like this, although there was no way that could be possible. He was a guy, after all. From the way he reacted though, to each touch and caress and interaction, it was as though this was all new to him, unfamiliar. Jake refused to recant his hypothesis on that guy being Edgar's ex-boyfriend, so blamed his seeming unfamiliarity with being alone and out of a relationship for a long time. Simply not used to the attention.

Edgar moved into every touch, sighed and gasped at times that indicated that he wanted more. Although Jake would have liked to move a bit faster, he really didn't want to do anything to hurt Edgar right now. He liked Edgar, he did, and he could see actually developing a relationship with him as a definite possibility. He felt like Edgar needed him, and it had been a while since Jake had ever felt needed in that kind of way.

Edgar's glasses clicked loudly against his eyebrow piercing, enough of an unplanned and awkward sound to get them both to stop. Jake smiled, as this was far from the first time his piercings had gotten in the way of something, but Edgar just looked embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-, I'll take them off, I just forget sometimes-"

"Where do you usually put them?" Jake paid a bit more attention to his voice and noticed that he was putting on that breathy, husky whisper he normally reserved for more aggressive sexual pursuits. He probably couldn't be that aggressive or that forthcoming now, so he was going to have to be a bit more careful with that...

"In..." Edgar sighed softly, and actually, maybe that voice wasn't a bad idea. Edgar seemed to like it. "In the, um, my room..."

God, he still sounded apologetic.

"It's okay." Soft whisper, and he brushed his hand across Edgar's cheek. Edgar stared at him with a mixture of surprise and confusion.

Just for once, with no crazy...

"You know where it is." Jake smiled at him, alternately wanting to give control of the situation back to Edgar and also to avoid an embarrassing accidental trip to the closet. People's houses could be laid out very strangely. Edgar was still blushing, God that was cute. Jake could bet that was driving him crazy right now. "Want to?"

He still hesitated, even though Jake could tell, and feel, that Edgar did.

"Y-yeah, um..." He seemed reluctant to remove all hold on Jake and kept a hand on his shoulder. Jake didn't feel entirely inclined to let Edgar go either, and the two of them made their way awkwardly to Edgar's bedroom.

Just like the rest of his place, normal and...drab, maybe would have been the word for it. It wasn't necessarily boring, it was just that it felt...exactly as a bedroom should feel, no more, no less. It had a purpose and it fulfilled it, and that was all. The only thing that threw Jake off was the small toy on the dresser near the bed. Maybe Edgar was one of those collector types? He had to have some kind of secret hobby.

Led over beside the bed and Edgar took off his glasses, folded them and put them to one side. When he turned back to Jake he blinked at him owlishly, his eyes much wider now without his glasses' help.

"You look good without your glasses..." Said both because it was true and because he was sure that Edgar would appreciate a compliment of any kind. Sure enough, Edgar fairly rippled with surprise, stood still for those few shocked seconds. Jake just kept the same smile, to make it clear that he wasn't going to take it back. "You do..."

"I..." Edgar blinked several times, raised a hand to rub at his eyes. "I, I can't see very well, um...my eyesight is really bad, so..."

Trying to take it back, negate it, minimalize it...something like that. He had an idea of what he was doing, even if he couldn't put it into words.

Jake kissed him quickly, and Edgar left his mouth open when Jake pulled back again. He stared at him, still vaguely confused and Jake put a hand beneath his chin, ignored the rough scratch of his goatee against his fingers.

"You look good."

Edgar's mouth didn't close. He stared at Jake as if just waiting for him to say he was joking, explain himself in a way that changed what he just said, some kind of explanation...

Waiting for the hurt.

"I..."

Jake slid his hand up Edgar's cheek, gentle enough and pulled him down again. This time the kiss was not so quick and he made sure, very sure, that Edgar was aware of this. He noticed that Edgar's tongue shyed away from his piercing...he probably didn't know what to do with it. He had a feeling this would have been the first time in a while, if ever, that Edgar dealt with someone with a tongue piercing.

Jake couldn't help a smile at the thought of showing him exactly what that piercing could do.

He could feel Edgar moaning softly through the kiss, the heat beneath his hands and he felt him waver on his feet just a little. A little at first, not too much, leaned Edgar back and found that he sank onto the bed with no resistance. They broke apart, and before Edgar could say anything, he began kissing down his jawline towards his neck. Edgar moved beneath him, slow and languid, felt his hands at first resting on his back and then felt his fingers tighten in the fabric of his shirt.

Paying attention, paying careful attention...Edgar caught his breath sharply when Jake touched an area on his neck, and he felt him jerk beneath him. A quiet sound as Edgar forced himself to release his breath and he kept his face turned away, although Jake could feel the heat emanating from it. He waited for a few seconds, just to make sure, and he could feel Edgar slowly releasing the sudden tension that had come over him.

"Like that spot, huh?" Jake said softly. Edgar again made that vaguely startled noise, as if no one had ever asked him this or validated this in some way, or if he never expected anyone to be paying attention.

"Mmhmm..." Almost inaudible. Edgar was embarrassed to admit it. He was embarrassed to admit what turned him on. Jake couldn't understand why...how could someone ever be...God, if Jake ever found that guy, he was going to kick the #$^# out of him.

"If...if you don't want..." Edgar was trying to talk and not doing a very good job. "Don't want to, it's okay...it's okay, you can-, you can do...it's not i-important..."

He must have just $^#$ed Edgar whenever he felt like it and to #$^# with what Edgar wanted at the time. God, did that guy ever ask about how Edgar felt at all? Did anything matter to him except getting off as fast as possible?

Sex for Edgar had become something that was done to him rather than with him. It was all he knew, and all that #$^#@#$ would let him know.

God, that wasn't fair. There was so much he was missing out on...

Jake didn't say anything, just kissed that spot again and heard Edgar hiss slightly, that intake of breath and his body coiled beneath him again, fabric bunched around his back. Another and he made a soft sound, pressed his body against him tightly and shivered.

"You..." Edgar managed to get out between gasps. He almost sounded afraid. "You don't...have to, you can..."

"Edgar..." Another soft touch and Edgar leaned into it like a cat, let out a deep breath. His entire body tightened with the unfamiliarity of it, maybe with how he was doing it...he was sure that his ex-boyfriend was anything but gentle. He moved enough, noticed Edgar's head to one side with his eyes shut tight. Jake reached out, turned Edgar to face him. Edgar opened his eyes reluctantly, and Jake wasn't sure what he expected him to do.

"Edgar, what do you want me to do? Just tell me..." From the look on his face, that wasn't what Edgar expected to hear. "What do you want?"

He stared at him and he could see that Edgar wanted to answer, but maybe he couldn't find the words. It wouldn't surprise him, considering that Edgar had had little need for them apparently beforehand.

Just used him, used him for whatever he wanted with him and then moved on...did he think about what he was doing to him? And Edgar was still friends with him...refused to let go. Why? Why did he let this happen?

Edgar stared and still couldn't find words. Jake shifted enough so he could support his own weight, enough so that he could run a hand gently through Edgar's hair. Short strands that brushed against his palm and Edgar again leaned into his touch, closed his eyes again.

"I don't know..." he said softly and for once he did not sound frightened. He seemed to be relaxing somewhat, muscles relaxing and he kept leaning into Jake's hand. Something about it calmed him.

"This is for you." Jake knew he'd found something here, so he kept with it. Edgar liked it, he knew he did and it showed on his face. Kept running his hand through short hair, and he felt him sigh. "For once, it's up to you, like you said. Tell me what you want."

Edgar looked conflicted, still vaguely afraid, and he closed his eyes.

"You can be honest with me, I promise."

"I..." Edgar took a deep breath, kept his eyes closed. "I don't know. I...I don't know, Jake." That was the first time that he could remember Edgar saying his name, or at least it was unusual enough for Jake to note it. "I've never...I don't know exactly..."

"No one's ever asked you, huh..." Jake touched his cheek gently, and found his eyes drawn right to those scars again.

"I don't...I don't know how to..."

"Tell you what..." Edgar opened his eyes to look at him again. "How about we try some things, and you tell me what you don't want me to do. Maybe it'll be easier for you that way."

Edgar nodded, but Jake kept his voice fairly serious.

"But you have to tell me, you have to be honest with me about it. I don't want to do anything you don't want me to. You have to say something, okay? I don't want to hurt you."

Edgar nodded again, but Jake had a sneaking suspicion that this would be a hard request for Edgar to fulfill. He was going to have to be very careful with what he was doing, as he was sure Edgar would try to keep any discomfort to himself. Pay attention, make sure how he was reacting...

Edgar looking off to one side, maybe thinking about something, and Jake kissed near his jawline again.

"I like you, you know...?" That rough whisper and he felt Edgar shudder and hold onto him tightly. He wasn't sure what had more of an effect, the words or the action.

He made his way back down to that one spot that Edgar liked, felt his body moving beneath his own, arching his back and he let out a soft moan.

"I..." Edgar said that a lot. "I...I like you, too." When he said this he shivered and Jake got the distinct impression that this was from fear. Edgar was probably terrified that that guy would find out about this, and...

"Just you and me..." Ran a hand through Edgar's hair again, and he stared at him, still worried. "Just you and me, okay? You don't have to think about anything else."

"That's just kind of hard for me." Edgar smiled, weakly."It's hard for me to forget about everything...I'm not that kind of person, usually. After everything...for a long time, it's just been..."

"Are you trying to distract me?" Jake smirked back at him, and Edgar looked off to one side a little awkwardly.

"I'm just...I've never really...this is all new to me, I'm just...I don't know, I'm just nervous, I guess. God, that's such a stupid thing to say..." Edgar winced. "Who says that during this kind of thing, honestly..."

"It's okay if you're nervous." Jake was not going to let Edgar do this to himself, not now. "It's totally fine. I was nervous my first time, and it's been a long time for you, hasn't it?" Edgar looked uncomfortable at this question, and didn't say anything. Jake took this opportunity to kiss him again on the mouth, and Edgar closed his eyes and sighed softly. "It's fine, it's totally fine..."

Edgar didn't refuse anything Jake did, he never kept his mouth closed and in fact, he let it open even when Jake just intended a quick kiss, but he rarely initiated any movement on his own...he participated, but he never started. Probably didn't have the nerve...Jake was struck suddenly with the intensely sad image of Edgar, a year or so younger and not nearly so worn-looking, trying to be enthusiastic with his new boyfriend and being slapped across the face for it.

"Are you okay?" Edgar's voice broke through the image, and Jake shook his head. Edgar looked worried, genuinely worried, and he found it only justified, intensified the alternating hatred and sadness Jake felt.

"Nah, I'm sorry. Just thinking." Jake thought for a few seconds, then smiled as he found a way to alter this just slightly... "Thinking about you."

Edgar blinked at him, openly confused. "About what? I didn't-, if I did something, I didn't mean, I was just-, I'm sorry-"

"Shh." Jake rested a finger on his lips. "You say sorry too much."

From the conflicted look on Edgar's face, Jake had a feeling he wanted to apologize for apologizing and yet, couldn't.

"You got nothing to be sorry about." Brushed his lips across the corner of Edgar's mouth, and Edgar again let out a shaky breath. "Nothing to be sorry about at all."

Edgar's hands moved just slightly across his back, perhaps what might have been a caress if he had the nerve to follow through.

Edgar wanted to, he wanted to but...

"I haven't met anyone like you before..." He remembered how Edgar reacted to his compliments before, and Edgar did not disappoint him. His grip on him tightened, something like surprise and he looked conflicted. He wanted to enjoy it, to take the compliment, to accept it, maybe even to believe it, and it was still so difficult...so hard for him...

God, with one of his old girlfriends it had taken weeks, months, years of therapy...how long would it take? How long would he have to do this, guide Edgar through this, build up what had been lost...

Wait, was he thinking beyond tonight? Heh, moved from possibility to planned...he hoped Edgar wanted to continue this as well.

He had a feeling he did.

"You're smart..." He kissed the spot on Edgar's neck again, and Edgar made an audible kind of gasp, short and surprised. Jake could feel his short nails through the fabric of his shirt, the heat building off of the body beneath his own. "You're polite..." A longer sound this time, and he felt Edgar raising one of his legs, like he wanted to curl up into a ball. Jake, hoping to distract him a bit further and prevent him from trying to escape, let his hand trail softly down his chest. Even with the fabric of his shirt blocking some of the sensation, the way that Edgar raised his body to follow the motion told Jake that it worked. Jake flipped his hair out of his face, gently felt through Edgar's shirt until he could identify the small nub beneath his fingers. He whispered into Edgar's ear, the same kind of husky voice from before that he now knew Edgar liked.

"And personally, I think you're very sexy."

Maybe that wasn't entirely true, but it was something that Edgar needed to hear. The effect that it had, maybe combined with all the other stimulation, caused Edgar to give a kind of shuddering moan that he tried to stifle without success. His face was entirely red, and Jake felt his other leg coming up. To his surprise, he could feel pressure on his own hips...Edgar was actually holding onto him with his legs? That seemed...forward, after everything. Maybe he was really getting into it now.

"I'd like to spend more time with you..." Whispered into his ear and felt him shiver. He let his fingers crawl further down Edgar's chest down to the edge of his shirt, tugged at it lightly. "Get to know you better, you know? Spend more time with you..." His fingers brushed against the skin of Edgar's stomach and he felt him shivering again, nerves clenching tightly. "Your skin is so soft..."

Edgar groaned, almost a word but not quite. The closest word it could have been was probably "oh" from what Jake could tell. He raised his chest as best he could and let Jake tug his shirt further up his body.

Quick thoughts as to logistics, and Jake decided that he'd leave Edgar's shirt on. Pulling it over his head might disrupt the mood too much, and Edgar seemed to be getting into it now. He wanted that to last.

He slowly shifted Edgar's shirt upwards, motions smooth and deliberate. Edgar moved to help him, his breathing fast and heavy. Seeing him like this, so obviously aroused and...God, did Jake want to #$%# him right there, so hard that he wouldn't even know what hit him, #$^# that other guy right out of him, but not yet.

Maybe later, he thought with a smile.

One of Edgar's hands slid up his neck, twisted fingers into his hair. He had his eyes closed, his mouth open as he tried to slow his breathing without success. There, Jake had his shirt high enough so he could get to his nipples.

Time to see just how far he could go.

He lowered his head, caught a glimpse of Edgar's confused stare. A leisurely lick across skin hot and salty and Edgar gasped as if he'd been struck. Deep and strong and his chest rose, his back arching unconsciously and he leaned his head back. His fingers tightened in Jake's hair, a little painfully but Jake could let that slip right now.

Bet his ex never did this for him, Jake thought with some bitterness.

Why does writing porn make me hungry? What is this, brain? Darn it. Mmm, ramen.

"Oh...!" Jake couldn't help but smile at how...proper an exclamation that seemed for sex. It suited Edgar. Another lick and Edgar shuddered beneath him with another deep gasp. "Oh, oh my God...!"

He really hadn't done this for him. Christ. And Edgar really seemed to like this, too.

Edgar tried to breathe, his chest heaving and his back still arched, still offered to him. Edgar didn't seem uncomfortable or trying to get away from him, so this seemed safe enough so far. Jake decided to try and put to use some tricks he had learned from various boyfriends over time. He had a feeling that if this was Edgar's first time with any kind of actual foreplay (a thought still tinged with angry resentment), he'd probably particularly appreciate them...

He felt Edgar's legs tighten around him and looked up for a second to see Edgar's other hand tangled in the bedspread. God, he hadn't noticed it before, but Edgar made his bed. Heh, there was something that would take some getting used to later on.

Another sweep of his tongue and he let the metal ball touch the stiff little nub, lingered to feel all the small bumps of his skin. Edgar made a kind of gasping "anh" sound to this, the muscles in his legs clenching and holding Jake tightly. He was kind of pulling Jake's hair now, but that wasn't really a big deal to him.

Jake breathed softly on the moist area and watched Edgar's skin rise and prickle, and Edgar let out another shaky long gasp. The hand tangled in the bedsheets fell open, slid across the sheets with uneven, jerky movements as Edgar kept his eyes closed and his head pressed back.

His gasps now had words somewhere in them, too indistinct to make out but definitely there. That was something that Jake found he liked...Edgar looked like he was going to be loud. That'd give him a good indication of what he was doing right or wrong. Edgar was trying gamely at keeping his voice under control but he was laughably bad at it, and Jake knew better than to bring that up. He liked hearing him though, he liked knowing that what he was doing had this kind of effect, that he could do this to another person...God, Jake loved this.

He ran his hands along Edgar's side lightly, lingered over the rise of his ribs and the slope to his stomach, let his fingers glance over the band of his pants. He could feel the strain on the fabric and the heat through it...Edgar was definitely enjoying this. Good.

He let his mouth close on Edgar's other nipple, felt the rise of his chest and the rush of his heartbeat close beneath his skin.

"Ah, aaah, Jake..." God, he said his name when he was like this. That was #$^#ing sexy as #$^#. "Oh Jake, oh God..."

He considered maybe nipping a little but thought that might have been too much. A little pain sometimes added an edge to sex, just a little, but Edgar had probably experienced too much of it over time. He kept his motion smooth and his touch gentle. He could feel the tension of Edgar wanting to move, wanting to do something, but he tried to keep as still as possible. Maybe worried that somehow he would ruin it if he did anything more...God, Edgar was so paranoid about ruining things...what had the consequences for that been with his ex? It had to have been severe to have created this kind of ever-present fear...

"Nnn..." Trying hard to keep quiet. Edgar really didn't have to do that. Jake would tell him later, maybe.

He looked up, saw Edgar panting with one finger in his mouth. So that's why he had been more quiet...Jake felt a little rush of heat at the sight of it though, Edgar with his eyes closed and just the edge of his teeth visible against his skin...

When he realized Jake had stopped, Edgar managed to calm down slightly, enough so that he let his back fall back against the bed and he opened his eyes. Jake kept his eyes on him as he let his hands trail along Edgar's sides again.

"You're #$^#ing hot..." Jake let his hands slowly move to the waistband of Edgar's pants, gauged his reaction. Edgar turned his head to look at him again, but didn't look him in the eye. Then he apparently realized that he was chewing on his finger and he pulled it out of his mouth quickly. He looked positively mortified.

Jake didn't want to take the time out to bring the entire issue of self-esteem up again, and instead just worked at undoing the button on Edgar's jeans. Edgar stared at him, confused and still looking terribly embarrassed. Jake let his eyes travel over Edgar's body slowly, relatively sure that Edgar was watching him and knew what he was doing.

He wasn't fit, he didn't work out at all...but he didn't eat much either, so he tended towards the slim kind of body type...thin and tall. A light trail of hair that started from his navel and moved downwards, and Jake pulled Edgar's jeans down slowly around his hips.

"You look hot..." Really, in Jake's opinion, he looked like a guy who wanted to be #^$#ed, but in a way, that was the same thing to him.

Edgar sat up on his arms, looking a little alarmed and maybe nervous about what Jake planned to do. "Jake, I-I'm..."

"It's okay. We're not moving that fast." Jake smirked at him, moved fingers across thin white fabric and he could feel the heat fairly pulsating from beneath his touch. Edgar closed his eyes tightly and let out a shaky breath. "I'm not done yet."

Watched him carefully for a few seconds to see if Edgar would say anything further, but instead he let out a soft moan when Jake slid his boxers down to join his jeans.

"I-I'm just..." Edgar spoke again, although he kept his head and eyes down. "I've never, I've never..."

"Never had anyone do this for you?" Jake furrowed his eyebrows. Edgar kept his head down, his face still flushed red, and he shook his head in assent. Jake gave him something of a cocky smile, despite the fact that Edgar probably wouldn't see it. "#$^#, you're in luck, I've heard I'm really pretty good at it."

No surprise...Edgar was decidedly average in length and girth. It fit him, in a way. He seemed so normal in almost every way...why not here as well?

Jake watched Edgar for a few seconds, but he kept his face down. He wasn't sure why Edgar avoided eye contact so much...still must have felt vaguely embarrassed about the entire thing. God, how could someone...Jake couldn't understand.

He gave the head a rather swift lick, something that maybe in retrospect he should have done slower, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to keep this at the familiar slow pace. Edgar sat up straight, shocked, and nearly pulled free from Jake's hand. Jake waited for a few seconds, watched him carefully. Edgar took a few more deep breaths, stared at him and his chest rose and fell.

"Do you want me to stop?"

Edgar looked down again, their momentary eye contact broken, and he struggled to speak.

"I'm just...not used to it." That inherent apology. "I've never...I've never felt anything like that before..."

Jake stared at him for a few seconds, watched him breath and he didn't seem to be in pain. Just surprised...another thing his ex hadn't done for him. #$^#. What had his ex done for him?

He was surprised, unprepared, but not trying to escape, not in any obvious pain. Not enough of a warning to make this something dangerous, so Jake smiled at him again.

"Oh, it gets much better. Just relax..."

Jake decided that maybe he'd need some more reassurance, so he sat up and eased Edgar back so he was lying down again, gently caressed his cheek. Edgar leaned into his touch, still looking somewhat embarrassed and maybe a little ashamed. Ashamed...God #$^#, Jake was going to kill that guy.

"I won't hurt you..."

"I know..." Edgar said it softly, maybe didn't put as much thought behind it as he should have, and the two of them stared at each other.

So he trusts me...

Jake stared at him fondly, and at his expression Edgar smiled again, weakly. "You can trust me."

Edgar didn't say anything, but he kept smiling.

After all of that, everything that guy put him through, he trusted Jake...that felt...that felt #$^#ing awesome.

Jake leaned back again, watched to make sure Edgar wouldn't try to sit up, and slowly made his way back down his body. He trailed light touches and kisses along the way, felt Edgar's body rise and move with each touch. He was shaking and he could feel the warmth from Edgar's body across his face.

#$^#, it made him so hot to see Edgar like this.

He could feel Edgar tensing as he got closer, see the muscles in his body twitching. He took hold of him again, felt the shiver that accompanied the touch and the throb beneath his fingers, and he looked at Edgar one more time.

He had his head thrown back again, breathing hard and heavy. Trying to prepare for it this time.

Jake let his tongue linger at the base and moved upwards slowly, found Edgar shaking hard and giving off a loud unintelligible moan. Waited again, gauged Edgar's reaction, and Edgar stayed where he was, his arms splayed near his head and breathing hard and fast. Each inward breath marked with an unintentional vocalization, a definite indication that Edgar did like this.

He closed his mouth over it entirely and Edgar jerked beneath him, surprised but not enough to sit up. He made a loud, somewhat long vowel sound and he felt his legs twitching, clenching, wanting to close. Jake made sure though that they did not close on his head. He found out the hard way that that could be really painful if your ears were pierced.

He put to work every little trick he knew, including those he had experimented with with the bar through his tongue, and found Edgar's responses to be extremely encouraging. Edgar now was shouting, unable to keep his voice under any control and no longer even trying to do so.

God, it was probably just because he hadn't had sex in a long time, but #%#@ if this didn't make Jake feel like a #$^#ing sex expert. Talk about an ego-boost.

"Nnn~!" Edgar's voice was shaky and high. "Nngh~ aah, Jake, Ja-ake, aah God~!"

Jake hummed a little in the back of his throat, took him deep and Edgar shuddered, muscles firing and moving tight, his body trying to instinctually thrust deeper into his mouth although Jake kept him from being too enthusiastic about that. Another thing he learned the hard way.

He let him thrust a little though, enough. For Edgar, he was sure it meant a lot, that he was able to do that.

Moved his tongue and kept humming, softly. Edgar panted hard, and his moaning grew in volume until he was sure the neighbors were going to complain. Jake could feel his body tightening underneath his tongue, beneath his hands and he felt Edgar arch his back, imagined him leaning his head back as he tended to do. Edgar gave a sharp, barking cry, loud and desperate.

It was also his name.

Then, Edgar came. Jake had to say he was a little surprised, considering this hadn't been the world's longest blowjob by...any stretch of the imagination, and he expected Edgar to last a least a little longer...oh #$^#. #$^#.

He swallowed hastily, wiped his mouth and looked up and, as he feared, Edgar looked completely mortified. Covered with a sheen of sweat, still panting hard, he looked at Jake as if he expected to be hit.

#$%#, of course he'd come early, this would be the first time he'd ever had sex like this with anyone, sex with anyone period, of course he wouldn't be used to it, #$^#...Jake hadn't thought about that. God, he knew perfectly adjusted guys who were embarrassed when they came too fast (one of Jake's previous lovers once came after only three minutes of sex, and, considering that Jake was the bottom at that point, he had been somewhat disappointed but tried not to mention it. His then-boyfriend felt bad enough about it without his help). Edgar was so desperate for that positive attention, affirmation...God, if he thought he screwed this up...

"Oh God, I..." Edgar looked at his body as if it had painfully betrayed him, which, in a way, Jake guessed it had. He started shaking. "I..."

"You see...?" Jake wouldn't mention it, he wouldn't mention it, this was perfectly fine and there was nothing wrong with it. He had to make sure that Edgar understood that. It was perfectly fine, a lot of people had a problem with it. It was nothing to be ashamed about. God, Edgar was ashamed enough about his body already. He didn't need premature ejaculation on top of it.

"You see, I told you..." Jake touched him again, ran hands across his chest and sides and Edgar stared at him, confused and somewhat surprised. He kissed his chest lightly, moved up to his neck and Edgar hesitantly leaned his head out of the way to let him get to that spot he liked. "Felt nice, huh?"

Edgar shivered, raised his hands to rest them on Jake's back and flinched away when he first contacted before settling completely. #$^#, did that guy, did that #$^#ing #$@#$@#, was he such a horrible #$#hole that he beat the #$^# out of Edgar for coming? He was so afraid that Jake would do something, punish him somehow...

"Y-yeah..." Edgar swallowed and tried to slow his frantic breathing. He groaned slightly when Jake licked that sensitive spot on his neck, tried to keep his train of thought. "T-thank you..."

God, he thanked him for a blowjob. #$^#.

"As long as you liked it...and you did like it, huh?" Jake nuzzled his neck a little, and Edgar held him tighter in response.

"Y-yeah...I've never...never, um..." Edgar paused, and he tilted his head further away from him. "Uh...don't you want to...?"

"Want to what?" Jake whispered. He felt Edgar's legs again near his hips, raised up near his shoulders.

"Um...everytime, um, h-he..." Edgar's voice grew soft and faint. "Everytime h-he does it, he always...he always wants to...in the end, he always wants to...I thought that was...that was, um...how you...how you went...went about it. I didn't know you, um...did other things before...he never did. I don't think he knows how...maybe he just wanted us to...you know...together, I guess. I mean, it's probably different when I'm awake, but..."

Awake? No, couldn't be. He #$#@ing wouldn't have done that to Edgar. No one would do that to him.

Regardless, it sounded like this was very difficult for him to talk about, and from the horrible scenarios Jake imagined involving the ex, he wouldn't be surprised.

"Are you sure?" He kept his voice soft and gentle, as best he could. "You don't have to..."

"No, no, I...I should, you know? I should, 'cause...'cause you did all of this for me, and I...I should do something for you. I mean, after I..." Edgar took a deep shaking breath. "He always says that's what sex is about, you know...it's about, um...power, and who gives and who recieves and keeping it even, and um...recieving is...something that you...you know...you always do. I always had to with him."

"#$^#." Jake closed his eyes and shook his head. "#$^#, Edgar, I'm not doing anything unless you want it, or you want me to. Don't just say you want me to if you don't. If you want me to, I will, but only if it's for you, not for me."

God, Jake hoped he wanted to. Keep it together, Jake.

"No, no, I...I want you to." Edgar reached out and touched Jake's shoulder. "I mean, after everything...I want you to be happy too, you know? I like you a lot."

"I'm not doing anything that could hurt you just because you think I should. I don't want to hurt you." To be totally honest, Jake really would have loved to have #^#$ed Edgar right into the mattress, but he was trying very hard to show self-restraint. Stared at Edgar's face, his chest again and

Trying very hard. "I like you too."

Jake raised his head and Edgar looked at him. After a moment's pause, he awkwardly leaned forward and gave Jake a very quick kiss, shy and somewhat fearful. Jake blinked, surprised, and Edgar looked off to one side.

"I want you to."

#$^#. He really shouldn't, he should really stick to the moral highground but god#$^# his #$^# was making such a compelling argument right now and Jake wasn't as good at resisting this as he thought he was.

"If you really want me to, I will. I'm going to be careful though and the minute it hurts I'm going to stop, you understand?"

Edgar nodded, and Jake sat up. Edgar adjusted his shirt slightly, began to take off his jeans while Jake worked at his own clothing.

A few seconds of silence, shifting cloth. God, it felt good to get out of his confining jeans after all this time.

"Where do you keep the lube?"

No response. Jake turned to look at Edgar to see him lying on his back, his hands above his head with the wrists pressed together. He stared at Jake with that confused stare that Jake was becoming all too familiar with.

"...What?"

#$^#. #$^# no. Please God no.

"The lube, Edgar. If he $^#@ed you as often as I think he did, you must have some around here somewhere. Where?" He didn't want to sound so urgent. Edgar must have sensed this in his voice and he closed his eyes, his body tensing again as if preparing for a physical blow.

"I..." He sounded frightened. "I, um...he never..."

#$^%. #$^#! "#$^#!" Jake slammed a fist into the dresser beside the bed, the anger that had been building all night finally coming to a head. He heard Edgar sit up from behind him.

"I-I'm-"

"No, don't apologize!" Jake felt himself shaking as his fists clenched. "Don't apologize, that #$^#ing #$^#@#$, that #$^#ing #$#$@#$, he didn't even, how could anyone, how could anyone do that to another person, how could he do that to you, how could he, #^#@, #$^# what kind of monster-"

"I..." Edgar wanted to apologize, he knew it, but he couldn't. At a loss for words. Jake wanted to tear that #$^#er's throat out. God, he thought...he thought, that after he scarred Edgar's face that he must have been unstable, but #$^#ing Christ...to #$#@ him like that, so often, completely dry...God, God#$^# it no wonder Edgar was so nervous and frightened. Did that #$^#er even care when Edgar was bleeding out his #$^? Did he even notice? How could someone ever do that to another person? How could someone make someone suffer that much?

For #$^#'s sake, no one should hurt like that! No one should hurt like that, and not even just once, no one should hurt like that repeatedly, hurt like that so much for so long and be so trapped, be unable to escape, God!

"#$^# it! God#$^# it!"

"Jake, it's..." Edgar trying to find words. "It's just...I-I'm sorry, we didn't- I didn't know, he never, he never mentioned it-"

"Oh God, Edgar." Jake rested his head in his hands. "No, no it's not your fault. God#$^# it...it's not your fault. I can't...I can't #$^#ing believe that someone would do that to you. God, what the #^#@ could you have done to make him hate you so much?"

A silence, and he turned to see Edgar curled into a tight ball against the headboard.

"He doesn't hate me..." Edgar stared at the rumpled covers of his bed. "He just can't...he doesn't know how to...say it right. I think when he hurts me, I think that's when he's trying..."

"Christ..."

"Jake, I'm..." Edgar still tightly self-contained. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you upset..." A pause, and his voice was soft and weak. "I really wanted this to go right...if you want to go, that's okay."

Jake turned back and realized that getting angry now would serve no useful purpose. He promised himself he wouldn't hurt Edgar tonight and he was going to hold to that. Later on he'd find a way to get revenge for him, but he had to focus on Edgar now. He was shivering and looked very small.

He moved over and sat beside Edgar, put an arm around his shoulders. Edgar flinched at his touch before hesitantly leaning against him.

"No, I should be sorry...I shouldn't have gotten angry." Actually yes he should have, but he'd explain that better later. "I didn't want to ruin this for you, either. I wanted this night to be for you. I should have left him out of this, like I said."

Edgar slowly reached a hand, touched Jake's chest lightly. Jake found himself jumping slightly at the contact and felt a rush of goosebumps. Reaching out to him...

"I really wanted you to like tonight too," Edgar said softly. "Just for once, I wanted...I'm sorry I ruined it."

Jake stared at his stomach for a few seconds, saw that while he wasn't in quite the ready mood he was before, the situation was still salvagable, and...

"You didn't ruin it, man." Jake squeezed his shoulder. "I'm not going to let him ruin it. I'll be right back."

Edgar nodded, and Jake left the room.

When you're in a pinch, sometimes you resort to whatever you can find. Fortune apparently was smiling on Jake that night, as he found a water-based moisturizing lotion in the hallway closet. Strangely appropriate location...a bit unorthodox, but it would work in the end and that was what counted.

As he walked back to the room, a sudden ugly thought occurred to him as he double-checked that the lotion was water-based. He hadn't asked Edgar if he had any kind of sexual diseases or anything, and he hadn't exactly used protection before...#$^#.

Then again, Jake had managed to avoid any oral infections so far and he had no open mouth sores that he was aware of...he dodged that bullet several times, and he was just going to have to trust his instincts that Edgar wasn't the type to sleep around without some kind of protection, particularly if he did have an STD of some kind. And even if he was that kind of person, he was sure that Edgar would be responsible enough to mention whether or not he was infected at some point.

Jake learned his lesson early and harshly and normally he would have been more careful, but Edgar...#$^#. Edgar just absorbed all of his attention and it just lapsed. That was really #$^#ing dumb and Jake could not afford to do that again. He reprimanded himself sharply and returned back to the bedroom. Edgar was lying back against the sheets again, arms in the same position.

#$^#, that looked...god#$^# it, was that creep into bondage, too? $^#@, figures.

"This'll work for now, I think."

Edgar nodded, although he didn't really move, and Jake searched through his jeans on the floor for his wallet. It always paid to have some protection with you, and he somehow doubted that Edgar kept a cache of condoms in his bathroom.

He also did not want Edgar catching something from him. Jake learned his lesson alright, painfully, but he was not about to force it on Edgar. God, that was the last thing he wanted.

Everything set, and he turned to Edgar to see he hadn't moved. Still on his back. Jake decided this seemed strangely formal...something dehumanizing about just starting right off, so he decided that he hadn't paid Edgar's mouth enough attention. Edgar made a muffled surprised sound when Jake started kissing him, and he slowly moved his hands to Jake's back and neck again.

There we go, this wasn't a ritual.

He could feel the heat off of Edgar's face and when he pulled away, he saw him blushing again. He was growing to love that.

He ran a hand though his hair, watched Edgar lean into it with his eyes closed, and let his hands smoothly make their way down his chest again. Edgar kept his eyes closed, although he let out soft, appreciative sounds.

There, he felt like now he could start this without such a guilty conscience. He rubbed some of the lotion across his fingers, kept his position beside Edgar rather than on top of him.

"Let me know if you feel uncomfortable at any time. This is important, okay?"

Edgar nodded, made an affirmative noise. He gasped a bit when the lotion first touched his skin but he didn't react nearly as violently as he had before with the blowjob. That was heartening.

He applied more lotion, kept Edgar's attention with the occasional kiss or rub of his chest. Edgar seemed vaguely confused, maybe a little uneasy by what was going on, but he didn't say anything.

#$^#, that $%^#er of an ex-boyfriend didn't even use #$^#ing lube...what a god#$^# #$^#ing monster. Jake couldn't believe it, couldn't understand it, couldn't believe that someone could be so oblivious, so thoughtless, so...inhuman. Edgar's ex had to be some kind of psychopath. No wonder Edgar was so afraid of him...

There, he guessed that would be enough. He looked up, met eyes with Edgar again, who at this point had settled into a strange kind of comfort zone with the stimulation he was recieving. Familiar and soothing and not too intense. He looked at Jake with half-lidded eyes.

"Don't let me hurt you," Jake leaned close and whispered across his cheek, and Edgar closed his eyes and swallowed.

Gingerly tried one finger, felt Edgar's body tense, instinctually rebelling but Edgar said nothing, and he took a deep breath.

"Okay?"

Edgar nodded hesitantly.

He spent some time making sure that Edgar was used to this, was able to handle this, and he found that Edgar seemed to be handling this strangely well. God...if what he said was true, he wasn't used to it being this easy...#$^@, it still made him furious.

#$&#ing monster.

Two fingers, and Edgar arched his back a little, took a deeper strained breath, but he still didn't say anything. One arm stretched out, jerky and probably unintentional, across the sheets.

"Still okay?" #$^#, if nothing else, this was getting Jake hot as #%^# again. Edgar had a way of making it look like he wanted it, and after everything tonight, after everything Jake wanted to give him what he wanted for once.

"Yeah..." Breathy and soft. His voice was hesitant, unsure. Asking for that positive response. "Um...d-doesn't hurt..."

Yeah, I'll #$^#ing bet it doesn't compared to what happened before...

"It shouldn't hurt." Jake kissed him lightly on the cheek. Broke away to make sure that everything was running smoothly, and Edgar kept his head to one side taking long, husky breaths. "After everything you've been through..."

Three fingers, and he heard Edgar clench his teeth, make a kind of strained sound.

"You okay?"

"Just..." Edgar let out the breath he'd been holding, and he could feel the strain of tightened muscles beneath his hands, shivering with effort. Edgar kept his eyes closed tightly, tried to keep breathing steadily. "Ngh, I-I'm, I'm okay, I'm okay it's just...I'm not used to this...kind of..."

God, to think of what he was used to. "Nothing more 'til you're ready, okay? Tell me when you're ready."

He moved in him slowly, kept his motions smooth and even. Tried to pay attention to how Edgar's body reacted, how acclimated his body was to his presence. Edgar took a few harsh breaths, but after a while he was able to relax slightly, and motion became easier. Reached deeper and he watched Edgar arch his back and move his arms back over his head, wrists pressed across each other. His mouth open but still relatively silent, just breathing heavily in-time with what Jake was doing.

His arms...#$^#ing bondage, he was sure of it. #$^#, that #$^# creeped Jake right out. Figures that #$^#er'd be into it. God, not only did he just $^#@ Edgar whenever wherever, preparation be #$^#ed, he didn't even give him the $%$#ing decency to move his own arms. Couldn't bear to even have Edgar remotely on an even level in the relationship, couldn't give him any power at all. Couldn't just trap him emotionally, had to trap him physically, had to render him powerless in every way possible...God.

Edgar took a deep shaky breath, and Jake paused for a few seconds. Edgar forced his body to stop moving with him.

"O-okay...I think...I think I'm okay, I-I can do this...I don't want to...to make you..."

Still thinking of Jake's benefit, what Jake wanted, even now. He was going to have to teach Edgar to think of what he wanted once in a while. Indulge himself for once. He was sure that his ex never let him do that. Edgar seemed afraid of the fact that he wanted anything at all, much less anything like this...wanted to make sure that Jake benefited first, make sure that...he wasn't being selfish. God. "Only when you think it's okay. I'm asking you because if you're not, it'll hurt. I don't want to hurt you, that's all."

Edgar was silent for a few moments, opened his eyes reluctantly.

"No, I think I'm...I think I am."

Jake took a deep breath, put some more lotion on his hand. He looked back at Edgar, stared into his eyes and tried to make his voice as serious as possible.

"Edgar, seriously. Don't let me hurt you. Please, if anything doesn't feel right, let me know." The last thing Jake wanted to do at this point was hurt him. He wanted to distance himself from that #$^#er as much as possible.

Edgar shut his eyes.

Just you and me.

That $#$@er wasn't here anymore. It was Jake and Edgar and no one else.

"Edgar..." Jake looked down at him, and Edgar opened his eyes again, twitched his arms slightly.

"Huh?"

"Edgar, is this the way that...he always did it?"

Edgar nodded. "Sometimes it was against a wall...it depended on his mood."

Jake looked at him a little longer, thought for a few seconds.

"Have you ever tried anything else?"

Edgar shook his head. "Um...it was never really...my choice, whenever it happened. He usually made the decisions...where we were, why we were..."

"But he never tried any other positions than this?"

Edgar paused, shook his head again. "It was always something like this. He, um...he liked to...see my face, I think. Watch me, I guess..."

Jake stared a bit longer, then held out his hand.

"C'mon, sit up."

Edgar made a questioning noise, but took Jake's hand anyway. Jake pulled him up and looked him in the eyes.

"I'm not going to do it that way."

Edgar looked worried for a few moments, unsure.

"Then...?"

"Here..." Jake put his hands on his shoulders, slowly indicated he should turn around. "We can try this, and if you like it, we can stay with it, alright?"

"Um...okay..." Edgar sounded anything but sure. Jake guided his hands, lifted him up so he was on his knees.

"It might be a little weird, if you've never done it before. You can rest your head on your arms if you get tired, okay?" Jake again double-checked to make sure that everything was slick. "If it gets too much, let me know."

"Uh huh." He sounded embarrassed again. Not used to this...Jake stroked his back in a way that he hoped was reassuring.

Edgar was tense at first, and that was probably a combination of the new position and some nervousness. He made a slight startled noise when he first felt Jake against him, and Jake stopped until Edgar calmed down again. Jake proceeded slowly, very slowly, although it took him a great deal of effort to do so.

But when he was completely in him...holy #$%#.

Edgar gave a shaky moan, not the first during the process, and apparently decided to follow Jake's advice, resting his head on his forearms against the bed. He shivered just a little, maybe his muscles unused to the tension or maybe he was still somewhat afraid.

Jake made a soft sound despite his best efforts and tried very, very hard to control himself. "Holy #$^#..."

"Nnn..."

"You...you okay?"

"Nngh..." Hissed through his teeth. "Uh huh..."

He sounded okay, he didn't sound like he was in any pain so...

He really wanted to set a very slow pace at first but god#$^#, Jake was not particularly known for being a master of his body's desires. It was easy to pretend he was but in this position, this was made painfully obvious. Slowly move, watch what he's doing, keep it smooth, don't push him too hard. Had to focus.

He struggled to watch Edgar's reactions in hopes it would help him keep control, watched his back bend and arch, the rocking of weight against his forearms. That didn't work, as seeing and hearing Edgar in such a position only made him want to do this faster, want to hear him really scream, like he had before. So Jake tried to focus on exactly what he was doing, the sensation of each slow motion into and out of him again, tried to time it and this didn't exactly work either. He set his arms on either side of him, let his hips work and move, push against him and the motion, the heat, the pressure and the friction, and the soft sounds from beneath him, whimpering moans and gasps, and Jake found it increasingly difficult to focus on everything about the scenario except what he was doing and that he wanted to do this faster.

That rush of heat, prickling across the nerves of his body that he knew so well and loved so much, and his pace quickened perhaps unconsciously and with it, the volume of Edgar's cries increased. His tone, his pitch, perfectly encouraging. God, #$^#, this was good, this was better than #$^#ing good, god#$^@, if what Edgar said was true then...#$^#, it was hard to think.

"Anh, Jake..." He could see his grip on the bedspread tighten, fabric bunched through tight fists and Jake paused, leaned down, reached out with one hand and caressed Edgar's neck. Edgar let his grip loosen, leaned back, unconsciously, his back arching again and Jake lead him upwards until his arms were fully outstretched to lift him off the bed, his back a gentle curve and Jake kissed his shoulders, the back of his neck. Began again and felt Edgar move with each thrust into him, his body weight shift and his breath catch and that same addictive soft sound, the punctuation for each of Jake's movements, the emphasis that made him want more and still want it faster.

Jake slid a hand down Edgar's arm, raised it so it pressed against the headboard of his bed, and Edgar took the hint and followed this with his other arm. Nearly kneeling upright now, he gasped with renewed fervor at every rocking thrust into him. Jake found a comfortable place now where he could leverage considerable power at a satisfying rate, and he had a feeling that he was hitting a place that Edgar probably wasn't particularly familiar with.

"Oh!" There, that exclamation again, intelligible through the others. He felt Edgar's body shuddering underneath his own, clenching and tightening around him in a way that made him give a pleased groan. Doing something right, that was for sure.

Another push deep into him, felt his body press against his own and Edgar cried out again. God, that sound...to know that he was causing it, to know that he was doing this to him...that he was bringing him to this level, that his flushed face and half-lidded eyes and open mouth and the shuddering of his body, all of it was his work, his doing, his attempt and God, God, those sounds, those sounds made Jake feel like he was some kind of sex god. He'd never had sex with someone who sounded so honest, so genuine, who sincerely sounded as if this was the best thing that could currently be happening to them. Pleading and asking for more, and that made it even better, that let him know that he was doing this right and to do right by him, right by Edgar made him feel...

He thrust deep and Edgar made a strangled startled sound, not unlike the one he had made when he had come earlier, and the deep gasp following it prompted Jake to lean back, pull Edgar away from the headboard which he just noticed had been thumping against the wall rather loudly. Edgar leaned back against him heavily, without any kind of resistance.

"#$^#, Edgar..." Jake breathed into his ear, knowing that for those few moments he denied his body's impulses, when he stopped the motion right before he felt his own climax coming, it would prolong and intensify it when it came. His hair stuck to his forehead, in his eyes and his mouth, he rested his hand on Edgar's chest and felt his heart beating fast, his breathing coming in a close second.

"Unh, Jake..." Edgar closed his eyes and tried to breath, tried to stop panting. He pressed his forehead against Jake's neck, felt his skin slide across his own with sweat. "Unh, God..."

Edgar's heart beat so frantically, and his voice sounded far away and soft. Jake turned slightly, to find enough room, and he slowly laid Edgar back down against the bed and found, much to his satisfaction, that Edgar resumed a similar position they had started in. His arms stretched out in front of him now, clutching the bedspread with white knuckles.

His heart beat hard in his ears and he felt the heat off his body mixing with that of Edgar's, and he pushed deep and slow into him, felt his body push back, instinctual and Edgar cried out again, loud and pleading.

Jake sped his pace, fast and hard, beyond previous warnings that would have told him not to do so, and he slid one hand down Edgar's back, around his hip and beneath him. Edgar made a kind of strangled, surprised noise when Jake's hand closed around him again, followed with a faint "yes" through a mixture of heaving breaths and gasps.

Jake closed his eyes, focused entirely on the sensation going through him, the motion beneath him. Moved his hand smoothly, pushed into Edgar hard, felt his muscles tighten and clench around him. God, this was amazing. This was #$^#ing amazing...

"Jake..." Almost begging, soft and unbearably desirable. "Jake, oh God...right..." He listened, thrust in that general direction again and felt Edgar shudder beneath him, his voice breaking. "Aaah, y-yes..."

Jake listened and this time he felt Edgar distinctly pushing up against him, working with each panting thrust into his body, working and he couldn't have been louder about it if he tried. Jake knew that he wasn't exactly being quiet himself, each rocking motion of his hips accompanied with a brief vowel sound of effort and encouragement, enjoyment. With every push now Edgar shivered beneath him, his body moving in ways that made the pressure and tightening around him that much more addictive.

Edgar's knees slid on the bedspread, nearly fell but Jake's other hand kept him upright until he could gain solid purchase again. He kept his hand moving, hand shifting over skin and Edgar tried to speak, tried to say something but there were no words at this point. He vocalized, loud and soft, long and short. He whimpered with each convulsive shiver of his body, shouted when Jake worked himself deep and hard.

Jake heard himself getting louder, his body slipping out of his control and he watched Edgar beneath him, motion beneath him, shivering and he shut his eyes.

"Unh, unh God, Edgar, nnn, #$^#, #$^#..." Close, so close. Edgar had his head to one side against the bedspread, eyes shut tight and mouth open and breathing hard. Jake adjusted, pulled Edgar's hips higher and sat up straighter himself, working at a sharper angle downwards, hard and with every sound that Edgar made he found that the rush grew stronger, louder, the tingling over his body becoming harder to ignore.

He let himself fall forward over Edgar's back, his arms supporting his weight against the bed, and Edgar let his knees slip again. When Jake thrust into him, his body fairly lifted, and when Jake's hand left so it could support his weight, Edgar made a kind of planitive whining sound. Not much longer, not very much longer, and he felt Edgar's body rock, rebound, fit against his own.

Edgar tried to draw his arms close to his body but refused to relinquish his hold on the blanket, only dragging it closer with tightly clenched fists. His eyes shut tight and his breathing raspy and audible, and with each thrust into him he groaned, shuddered, his feet trying with splayed toes for better purchase. Panting moans and vaguely he could hear the thud of the head board against the wall still, their actions still forceful enough to move the bed that much.

"Ja-ha-a-aake~!" Long and stuttering, and hearing his name again was enough. He held him tightly against him, final thrust completed, and he let the rush and mind-clearing sensation wipe his mind of all other thoughts. Just him and Edgar and this, this feeling that he would never, ever get tired of. Shuddering and shaking and he felt Edgar's motions matching him, tightening around him enough to let it linger just for those few seconds more, and Jake let loose the breath he was holding with an audible gasp.

Edgar panted heavily beneath him, breathing so hard it almost sounded as if it was difficult for him. Both of them didn't move for a few moments, then Jake let go of Edgar's hips and he sank back down the bedspread.

"God..." Jake took a deep breath, pulled out very carefully. Edgar lay on the bed where Jake released him, still breathing hard and shivering slightly. "God...#$^@, that was..." He noticed a wastebin nearby and tossed the used condom inside. Turned back to Edgar to see him still shaking, his eyes now open but not focused on anything.

Jake gently picked Edgar up, watched him move slowly and a bit stiffly. Edgar leaned against Jake's chest and made a soft questioning sound, and Jake held him for a few minutes. He could feel the muscles in Edgar's body quivering, exhausted and demanding further rest.

Edgar seemed baffled by either what had just happened or what was happening now. Jake wasn't sure which one it was.

"You hurt?" Honestly, he should have asked him that earlier and before he had lost control like that, but Edgar never sounded like he was in pain through the whole process. That was a cop-out though, Jake knew it. Bad Jake.

Edgar just breathed, and Jake felt his heartbeat slowing underneath his hands. "Hmm..."

"You hurt? Seriously."

"I'm..."

"Honestly?"

Edgar shivered a little, maybe again frightened that whatever he said would be met with punishment. "Just sore, I guess...that'll go away, I'm sure. It's nothing."

Jake squeezed him, laughed slightly. "I told you not to let me do that."

Edgar was quiet for a little while, and he touched Jake's chest with the back of his hand. "It was worth it, I think."

You think... Jake shook his head and smiled softly. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"I think that would have hurt no matter what you did..." Edgar closed his eyes, his voice calm and gentle. "Kind of the nature of it, I guess."

Looked like Edgar was one of those who liked to talk afterwards. Suited him. "Still..."

"It's okay..." His hand still moved lazily across his chest. "Don't worry about it."

Jake trailed a hand over Edgar's hip, felt his muscles shaking and quivering. Tired...

He leaned back, Edgar still close to him, and the two of them settled on the one pillow that remained on the bed. Jake shook his head to try and get some of the sweat-soaked strands of hair away from his forehead, but then decided that was useless. His hair was always a #^#$# during sex, it was just something he'd come to terms with. He closed his arms around him. Edgar shivered again, much the same way he had earlier when he had hugged him.

"That was #^$#ing amazing."

Edgar looked at him, smiling faintly but that nervousness was back. "Are...are you going to stay here? After? He never did..."

God#$^# that guy to #$^#.

Jake closed his eyes with a mental sigh and kissed Edgar's forehead, rubbed his back with a gentle touch. "Of course."

Edgar took a few minutes to think about this, then he put his arms around Jake as well, holding onto him.

Looked like Jake was right about Edgar needing to be held.

Edgar made a soft, contented sigh, and that was all Jake needed to hear.

LONGEST FLUFFY PORN EVER CHRIST.