~FF-SPAN - All FF Debating, All Da Time!~

Today's Episode: Why did Final Fantasy IX end so very abruptly?
(By "needs ta be restrained from da keyboard durin peaks of boredom" Zarla)
(Note: I am not responsible fer any mental damage cause by readin this fic.)


Zarla: Yes, I've decided that writin this script form would be easier. Cause I'm DARN LAZY.
Necron: All life lives to die. ::Screaming::
Zarla: Our topic fer tanight is...::reads cuecard:: "Where's my closure, FFIX?" What kinda stupid question is tha-

::cuts ta two podiums::

Alternate Announcer (Kuja again): ::voice comes from speakers:: Since Zarla said that I was so very good at this job, she asked me to do it again. Wise planning on her part, I believe.
Zarla: Da death threats had nothin ta do with it. Honest. Honest ta god. THE COUNCIL WAS MERCIFUL!
Kuja: Getting back on topic, our featured debaters for today will be Eternal "Necron" Darkness and our favorite tailed wonder, Zidane.
Zidane: ::sitting in a chair, waves:: Hey.
Necron: ::floating in some bizarre mini version of his screaming stadium:: Zero world.
Kuja: Shall we get this underway?
Zidane: Alright, what was with that zero world stuff?
Necron: All life lives to die. ::screams crescendo around him::
Zidane: ::weird look:: No, really. In fact, a better question would probably be "Where did you COME from?!"
Necron: Nothingness and all become nothing in the zero world. ::AAAAAAAAAA::
Zidane: Well, this is getting nowhere. ::Sweatdrop::
Amarant: Hey, girlyboy with the microphone, didn't Necron come out of you?
Kuja: ::dead silence for a few moments:: ...excuse me.
Amarant: Yeah, after you got all pink and feather boas and we beat your @#$, Necron showed up. Sounds awfully suspicious to me.
Kuja: ::dead silent::
Zidane: ::looks nervous:: Um...
Necron: The Zero world is perfection. I bring you all perfection.
Amarant: Can it, you wannabe Grim Reaper.
Garnet: Hey! Hey! I have a theory!
::everyone looks at her::
Garnet: Oh wait...I forgot it.
Zarla ::narrows eyes:: Looks like Garnet can't concentrate.
Garnet: ::looks stupid::
Freya: Alright, I have a theory.
Kuja: ...I'm enthralled. Continue.
Freya: Could Necron have been created by Kuja's anger?
Everyone: ...
Zidane: What?
Freya: No, I mean, couldn't it have showed up from Kuja's proximity to the crystal at the time he died and all his pent-up feelings...
Steiner: ::puts a hand on her shoulder:: Miss Freya, you know as well as I do it can't be that complicated.
Freya: ::looks disappointed::
Amarant: So. Even then it'd trace back to the Dragqueen in the recording booth.
Kuja: I do not know if you're aware of this, but I can hear you quite clearly.
Amarant: ::flips off the recording booth: Hope you can see me too, Priscilla.
Zarla: Wow, semi-obscure reference!
Vivi: U-um...I have a...a point to make...
::Everyone stares at Vivi with big, sympathetic eyes::
Vivi: ::Gets nervous again:: U-um...there wasn't really a big...big villain in the game...a consistent one I mean. Necron showed up at the with no warning, and Kuja... ::Vivi narrows his eyes for a moment:: At the end he wasn't bad at all.
Zidane: ::looks somewhat nervous:: Yeah, about that, um...
Garnet: Zidane, did something weird happen at the Iifa tree?
Zidane: Um...no...
Garnet: Zidane Tribal, you answer me honestly right now! Did you even GO?
Zidane: ::looks freaked out, tail puffs:: Of course I did!
Garnet: You liar, you just inserted yourself into that FMV into the Iifa tree! You're sleeping alone tonight!
Zidane: ::Gets kitty face:: Oh no I'm not.
Kuja: ::not as flamboyantly as before:: Just thrilling.
Freya: Actually, another good point. That FMV seemed very strangely done. Why wasn't Zidane animated as well?
Everyone: ...
Steiner: ::puts a hand on her shoulder:: Miss Freya, you know you can't blame budget and time constrains. That's too easy.
Freya: ::sigh::
Eiko: I- ::explodes::
Zarla: HA! I KNEW SHE COULDN'T BE QUIET FOR MORE THEN TEN MINUTES! Pay up, Amarant.
Amarant: ::mutters, pays up::
Garnet: You bet on her death!? That's terrible! How could you?!
Zidane: ::pays up::
Garnet: ZIDANE!
Zidane: ::rolls eyes:: I have a life outside of you, Garnet.
Steiner: Attention!
Everyone: ::looks at him all confused like::
Steiner: Does anyone else find it unusual that after Necron was defeated, everything went back to normal?
Necron: Everything dies, as is the will of the universe. ::screaming faces go all over the floor, scaring and disconcerting everyone there::
Everyone: ::Stares at Steiner::
Steiner: Although I did win the hand of my lovely lady Beatrix, shouldn't there have been some more effects from the destruction of the source of all life?
Everyone: ::Stares::
Zidane: Shut up, Rusty.
Amarant: You're dumb.
Garnet: Duhur.
Steiner: ::doesn't react for some reason::
Zidane: Anyway, back to the topic at hand, WHERE did you come from, Necron?
Necron: The zero world is the world of nothing. ::AAAAAAAAAAa::
Vivi: W-why did you act so weird at the end of the game, Zidane?
::Everyone stares at Vivi with big googly eyes::
Zidane: ::confused:: Eh?
Vivi: You acted strangely and said things in a strange way. Like you...you still had character development to do.
::everyone looks at Zidane::
Zidane: I do not! Don't make me go nuts again.
Zorn+Thorn: ::play You're Not Alone on a piano::
Zidane: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH ::goes nuts::
Everyone: NO!

Short period of time passes

Kuja: Well, it appears our adorable hero has been tranqed and restrained and is hopefully back to normal. We're going to track his breeding habits later tonight.
Zarla: ...Kuja, you're so... ::Zar's expression says it all, but that's all I shall say. A MYSTERY IT SHALL REMAIN!::
Zidane: Uwaaaa
Necron: Death for everyone. Have some death. ::kills a passerby::
Kuja: Alright, our new debater will be...Garnet Til Alexandros.
Zarla: ::mutters:: Garnet's stupid Til she's a ho for Alexander the 13th.
Garnet: ::pretends not to hear:: Alright, may I-
Amarant: Hey chickface.
Garnet: ::looks peeved::
Amarant: Why'd you thump Zidane's chest at the end?
Garnet: I was upset, obviously. He...::pauses to think:: He DID say he'd come back, right?
Amarant: Actually, better question. Why was that necklace important? Garnet: ...
Eiko: ::Too bad she's dead! Maybe she could give some stupid reason for it! But I doubt it.::
Vivi: Did Zidane give it to you?
Garnet: ::looks thoughtful:: No...
Beatrix: Did your mother give it to you?
Garnet: No...where did YOU come from?
Zidane: Uwaaaaa
Necron: Death death death HAPPY DEATH
Steiner: I think Mr. Necron is losing it.
Zidane: Let's all go home and have happy lives! Uwaaaa
Freya: I have a theory.
::everyone turns towards Freya::
Freya: Perhaps that was that crystal that was used to summon Alexander when Bahamut attacked. It must have great sentimental significance to Garnet. Maybe her leaving it behind when she ran symbolizes her breaking ties with her kingdom to be with Zidane instead.
Everyone: ...
Steiner: ::puts a hand on her shoulder:: Freya, you know it can't be that complicated.
Freya: ::sigh::
Amarant: God, you're an irresponsible whore, Garnet.
Garnet: WHAT?!
Amarant: You left your kingdom behind. I mean, I'm heartless myself, but I'm not THAT heartless.
Garnet: I...had a good reason!
Freya: Love is nice and all, but abandoning a whole kingdom?
Garnet: LOOK THAT WAS IMPLIED, ALRIGHT!? It was subjective! SUBJECTIVE!
Zidane: Uwaaa
Garnet: Me and Zidane could have gotten married and ruled the kingdom together!
Amarant: I bet you'd still do a lousy job.
Garnet: GRRRRRRRRR ::jumps Amarant::
Amarant: ::Easily steps out of the way::
Garnet: ::slams into a tree:: Koala. ::passes out::
Vivi: Mr. Steiner, you had a point though...
::Everyone immediately pays an exorbitant amount of attention to Vivi::
Vivi: U-um...I think...more stuff should have happened after the crystal exploded...it was the source of all life after all...how could things just go perfectly back to normal? Even after killing the embodiment of death...
Necron: Zero zero zero
Vivi: That wouldn't really fix things, would it?
Everyone: ...
Freya: ::ruffles Vivi's hat:: You're so cute.
Beatrix: Unless the end didn't actually happen.
Everyone: O_o
Beatrix: It was all an illluuuusssiooon ::makes alien wiggly finger motions::
Steiner: Dear, it couldn't even be that complicated.
Amarant: Someone has a problem with depth.
Freya: From the person who can be summed up as "arrogant loner".
Amarant: I enjoy being arrogant. It's fun and helps burn calories.
Freya: Won't ask. Actually, what was up with Memoria, as well?
Kuja: Just thrilling.
Necron: Zero world zero world PERFECT HARMONY IN DEATH ::waaaaaaaaa::
Steiner: Trance Kuja had many strange powers, including...um...creating...large castles...and populating them...with monsters...from the first FF...
Beatrix: How did Zidane get back?
Kuja: It's a fascinating story filled with drugs, danger, and lots of sex.
Zidane: WAS NOT
Kuja: Alright, maybe not the drugs.
Zidane: OOOOOOO
Necron: DEATH is my middle name.
Freya: I thought it was Necron.
Necron: ::slays generic people::
Mikoto: I am alive, if you could call me alive.
Vivi: That's right, what happened to Terra?
Kuja: Terra went boom. Tee hee hee hee.
Zidane: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHH ::goes nuts::
Freya: This is ridiculous. ::sighs::
Amarant: Alright, that's it. This is just ridiculous. I'm taking Laughing Boy and getting out of here. ::picks up the mad ranting raving Zidane, live and caught on video, and walks away::
Mois: ::hiding underneath Zidane's chair:: Kupo.
Zarla: THERE YOU ARE YOU BUGGER! GET BACK HERE!
Mois: KUPO! ::flies off::
Kuja: Beautiful. Hey, wait a minute. ::sound of footsteps going down a flight of stairs::
Freya: Does this mean we're done?
Zarla: Ah, such a lack of slashable couples in FFIX. Maybe Freya and Garnet, but Garnet's too dumb.
Garnet: Dahwee.
Freya: So we're done.
Vivi: Nothing got resolved.
Zarla: ::hugs the little black mage:: Of course not sweety, nothing ever does get fixed in these debates. Now, wave bye to the nice people.
Vivi: ::Explodes the entire area::
::darkness prevails...until the whacked out form of Necron appears::
Necron: Death death death zero world desctruction "If Weapons were bad for the planet, why did the Planet create them anyway?" death zero world. ::AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA::
::static::

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