~FF-SPAN - All FF Debating, All Da Time!~
Today's Episode: When, how, and why did Vivi have children?
(By "needs ta be restrained from da keyboard durin peaks of boredom" Zarla)
(Note: I am not responsible fer any mental damage cause by readin this fic.)
Zarla: Yes, I've decided that writin this script form would be easier. Cause I'm DARN LAZY.
Vivi: I-I guess so...
Zarla: Our topic fer tanight is...::reads cuecard:: "How da heck did Vivi have kids?" What kinda stupid question is tha-
::cuts ta two podiums::
Alternate Announcer (It's Kuja!): ::voice comes from speakers:: This is FF-Span, where the beautous forms of Final Fantasy characters come to discuss aspects of our wonderful works of art. Today we have Eiko Carol and Vivi Ornitier to discuss the fine points of how Vivi had so many progeny.
Zarla: ...Wow, Kuja's really good at this.
Kuja: ::preens::
::Eiko walks up ta da podium in that stupid way she always does, while Vivi trips::
Everyone: AWW!
Vivi: ::gets up, takes his place::
Eiko: Okay, Vivi, where'd all those kids come from?
Vivi: K-kids?
Eiko: Yeah, they called you your dad at the end!
Vivi: Um...::rubs hands together::
Eiko: ::looks annoyed:: Great, I get an interview with an idiot!
::Eiko explodes extremely violently and painfully for THAT comment::
Everyone: ::looks at Zar::
Zar: Kay, who's up now?
Zorn: You must pick us!
Thorn: Us you must pick!
Zar: Um...no. Love ya guys, but I don't wanna drive peeps insane. Sorry.
Zorn+Thorn: Darn.
Zar: Hey, Amarant, why don't YA do it?
Amarant: Cause I'm too cool for that.
Zar: ...since when? ::sweatdrop::
Amarant: Since I appeared in the game.
Zidane: C'mon, Ami, do it!
Amarant: ...I can't believe you just called me that.
Zidane: Ami-wami.
Amarant: ::threatens with his big claws:: Stop it!
Zidane: ::doesn't look worried:: Okay, WHATEVER.
Garnet: Vivi, it's okay. ::trying to make him more confident:: Really, you have to believe in yourself more.
Vivi: ::looking all philosophical:: But...shouldn't I have stopped...I haven't even really LIVED...
Quina: ::jumps up and down:: I interview! I interview! Ask me!
Zar: ::sweatdrop::
Quina: ::runs up anyway::
Kuja: It appears the Qu has some comments to make of her own.
Zidane: It's own.
Zar: I SAY IT'S A HER! MAKES IT EASIER! SHUT UP!
Zidane: ::cowers, tail puffs up::
Zar: Hee hee, that's so cute.
Steiner: Vivi-sama, don't let her intimidate you!
Zar: Yeah, I think Master Vivi translates as Vivi-sama. Shut up.
Vivi: ::nod:: Okay.
Quina: Why you have so many little mages, Vivi? Eat too many yummy-yummies?
Vivi: ::looks confused:: Um, n-no...
Quina: Then tell reason! TELL REASON NOW!
Vivi: ::under too much pressure, falls over::
Quina: I help! ::pulls Vivi back up::
Vivi: ::nods:: Thanks...
Zidane: If I were him, I'd be worried about IT eating me.
Zar: HER DARN IT!
Steiner: You forget, monkey-boy, Vivi-sama was raised by a Qu! He wouldn't be afraid! Vivi-sama is almighty and powerful!
Vivi: ::nods again:: Thanks...
Freya: Vivi, can't you just tell us and spare us this debacle?
Amarant: ::sleeping::
Vivi: Well, um...
Everyone: ::listening::
Vivi: I...
Everyone: ::leaning in closer::
Vivi: ::whispering:: I...
Everyone: ::leaning in REAL close::
Vivi: ::opens mouth (or at least, as far as I can tell)::
Amarant: ::sneezes, completely muffling Vivi, and wakes up::
Everyone else: ::falls over:: AMARANT!
Amarant: What? Did I miss something? You all suck.
Zidane: SHUT UP SO WE CAN LISTEN!
Amarant: Don't tell me to shut up!
Zidane: SHUT UP!
Amarant: Fine. I'm leaving. You won by luck, by the way. I tripped. ::runs off::
Zar: Crud. I like Amarant.
Quina: WHERE KIDS COME FROM!?
Vivi: ::cowers::
Zorn: We have ways of making you talk!
Thorn: Talking, we have ways! Force answer from you, we will!
Steiner: No one shall harm Vivi-sama! ::jumps in front of Vivi::
Vivi: ::hides in his hat::
Zorn+Thorn: ::morph inta that weird thingy:: We make him talk! Talk we will make him!
Steiner: Doomsday sword!
Vivi: O...okay...::reluctantly casts it::
Steiner: ::clefts Zorn+Thorn in twain, causing them to go back to normal::
Kuja: Apparently my previous employees are no better then when I left them.
Zorn+Thorn: Ow.
Freya: ::bein da nice rat lady she is, walks up and tries to make Vivi more confident:: C'mon, Vivi.
Garnet: I was doing that.
Freya: Oh, shut up. Always about you, isn't it?
Garnet: Excuse me? YOU CAN'T TALK TO THE QUEEN OF ALEXANDRIA THAT WAY!
Freya: Well, you can't talk to a Dragon Knight of Burmecia that way EITHER! ::grabs lance::
Garnet: ::grabs...racket:: I'll hit you with tennis balls!
Freya: ::sweatdrop:: No wonder you're just a healer...
Garnet: TAKE THAT BACK! ::attacks::
::Freya and Garnet fight, Freya having the clear advantage because her weapon actually has an edge on it::
Freya: ::cuts off Garnet's hair again:: HA!
Garnet: AGH! ::beats Freya with her racket::
Zidane: ::cheering them on:: WOO! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Amarant: ::easily bored, walks back in::
Zidane: You came back!
Amarant: ::bein his stoic and antisocial self, he walks up to the stage and looks bored::
Vivi: Um...are you supposed to be up here?
Amarant: ...
Steiner: ::takes other podium:: Don't worry, Vivi-sama, I won't let your debate go all bad on you! You may destroy us all if it does!
::You'd think peeps would laugh, but they can't cause it's true.::
Vivi: Um...okay...
Steiner: Okay, Vivi, what happened after the battle in Memoria?
Vivi: We...fought Necron...you gave me your soul to give me enough strength to win.
Steiner: ::remembers:: It was the KNIGHTLY THING TO DO! ::pose:: What happened after that, Vivi-sama?
Vivi: Umm...
::Everyone stops what they were doing for a precious few moments to listen to Vivi::
Vivi: I...
Mog: KUPO!
::Mog, who miraculously survived that bloody and deliciously painful Eiko explosion, appears and goes kupo for absolutely no reason whatsoever::
Vivi: ::loses his nerve and adjusts his hat:: U-um...
Amarant: That's it, this is just sad.
::Amarant pushes everyone out of the way and stands on the podium. He points at whoever is left in the crowd (shut up)::
Amarant: The mage got kids because he found some girl and he f-
Garnet: AMARANT!
Amarant: What? ::looks confused::
Garnet: We don't use words like that!
Amarant: ...YOU don't use words like that. ::pauses, looks thoughful:: Actually, considering the number of times that you've been on the cover or IN hentai doujinshi-
Garnet: IYU DA! ::throws a tennis ball at him::
Amarant: ::gets pegged in the head and falls off the podium::
Zar: Hmm, I think Iyu da...no, wait, maybe yamete...? FEH. ::goes back and changes line.
Garnet: BAKA DESU YO!
Zar: That'll work. No wait, even better!
Garnet: HENTAI! ::throws boot at him::
Zar: ::laughs evilly::
Vivi: ::has fainted from embarassment::
Kuja: Well, isn't this all quite lovely.
Zar: ::thinks:: Ya know what da prob was with FFIX? Not many alternative couples ta pair up. ::sweatdrops:: Unless ya wanna go fer da extremely strange...::gestures at Steiner and Zidane::
Steiner: What? What? ::looks around:: Someone talking about me?
Zar: Da Just-Plain-Wrong...::gestures at Steiner and Vivi::
Steiner: Vivi-sama! Are you okay? ::looks momentarily concerned...
Zar: Somewhat disturbing...::points at Freya, Garnet, and Beatrix who has appeared right now for no reason whatsoever::
Zar: And da obvious. ::points at Kuja and Zidane::
Zidane: Wait...what? ::tail fluffs::
Kuja: Lovely.
Zar: Despite all this tho, my poor Ami-
Amarant: Don't make me. ::brandishes claws::
Zar: ::Sweatdrop:: Okay, okay. My poor AMARANT has no alternative couple and actually, come ta think of it, da only person I've ever really seen him with is Freya, which is just bizarre...
Freya: ::sweatdrop::
Amarant: ::gets a kind of look on his face like this -.-:: There is a species issue there...
Zar: ::shrugs:: Well, species didn't stop Zidane and Garnet.
Zidane: Hey, we aren't different species!
Zar: Whaddya call that then? ::points at his tail::
Zidane: ...uh...
Mikoto: A horrible, horrible curse.
Zidane: ::blink:: Where did you come from?
Mikoto: Nowhere.
Zidane: ::sweatdrop:: Again with the philosophy...
Kuja: Just enthralling.
Freya: Is Vivi awake yet?
Steiner: Nope. C'mon, Vivi-sama!
Vivi: ::slowly comes around:: What happened?
Garnet: It's alright, Vivi. You can tell us what happened.
Amarant: I already told you losers what happened. However, since no one around here seems to like listening to me...
Zidane: That's because you're anti-social and arrogant and...what was the word they used to describe you in the opening...? Was THAT arrogant too?
Amarant: Shut it, monkey-boy.
Zidane: ::rolls his eyes::
Garnet: Vivi is only eight!
Zar: Or around that age. ::sweatdrop::
Garnet: He can't be having children!
Amarant: Tell me, how sheltered are you, really?
Garnet: ::jiyooo::
Zar: Just learned that phrase. Heh heh, long stare.
Freya: Also, he's a mage. A mechanical mage.
Vivi: ::shows a touch of anger for once:: Gee, thanks for bringing that up. I had just forgotten.
Zidane: Aww, c'mon Viv. Don't let it get you down.
Zar: No, Viv wasn't a typo. ::sweatdrop:: Heh, veev.
Freya: Sorry.
Zar: Off da record here, I'd just like ta say that I'm glad Eiko's dead.
Everyone: ...
Zar: Ya can continue now. A hee hee.
Amarant: I still say he-
Garnet: No one CARES what you think!
Amarant: Yes, I AM becoming aware of that! Of course, my feelings don't count!
::everyone stares at him cause Amarant is gettin himself into a full-out righteous rage here::
Amarant: Everyone's always 'Poor Vivi, Poor little Vivi, oh he's so cute and he's so deep' and no one ever thinks about how I feel! You constantly ignore and or belittle me and it hurts, you know that?
::Amarant looks close to tears, but then pulls together in that wonderful Amarant way of his and looks totally cool::
Amarant: Not that I care about any of YOU.
Zar: ::walks in:: Kay, that's a wrap.
::everyone stares at her::
Zidane: ::gestures weirdly with his hands:: Waaaaait, what happened to the weird little shounen/shoujo-ai stuff you always throw in?
Zar: ::looks annoyed:: like I SAID there aren't many COUPLES in this game. So I'm going to end it here.
Amarant: That's so stupid.
Zar: Shh, Ami.
Amarant: THAT'S IT! ::gets out his claws and runs after her::
Zar: AGH! ::climbs up a curtain::
Amarant: ::slashes up the curtain:: Get back down here!
Vivi: ::catches one of the fluttering fragments of curtain:: Wait...there's something written on it...
Freya: What's it say...?
Vivi: Um...it's next week's topic...
Freya: Well...?
Vivi: Um..."Why does...um...why does..."
Freya: Let me read it. ::takes the note away from him:: "Why are people afraid of beetles with a skull for a face?"...Zar, do you mean Oglops?
Zar: ::from the curtain:: They're cute!
Everyone: ::sweatdrops::
Amarant: ::continues slashing up the curtain::
Zar: That's weird, two FFIX ones in a row. Why would-::cuts to commercials::
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