FF-Span
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All
FF
Debating,
All
da
time!
Today's Episode: Exactly how many cans of hairspray were used in this game?
(By "needs ta be restrained from da keyboard durin peaks of boredom" Zarla)
(Note: I am not responsible fer any mental damage cause by readin this fic.)
Zarla: Yes, I've decided that writin this script form would be easier. Cause I'm DARN LAZY.
Cloud: My hair's NOT weird! ::weeps::
Zarla: Our topic fer tanight is...::reads cuecard:: "What da heck is with everyone's hair?" What kinda stupid question is tha-
::cuts ta two podiums::
Alternate Announcer (Red XIII's back up here): ::voice comes from speakers:: Nanaki of Cosmo Canyon here. We're here to discuss why everyone's hair is so very strange looking.
Seph: ::sweatdrop:: Like yours is better.
Red XII: Hey, this is a MANE, thank you. It's SUPPOSED to be like this. Anyway, Our combatants today are Cloud Strife and Sephiroth...hmm, I can't seem to find a last name...
Seph: Greetings to all my adoring fans!
Cloud: ::not there::
Zar: Wait a minute, where's Cloud?
::everyone looks around::
Red XIII: Not even going to try and count?
Zar: Quiet, ya.
Seph: Hey, Spike boy! We're starting!
Cloud: ::wailing from backstage:: There's something WRONG with my HAIR!
Seph: ::rolls eyes:: It's ALWAYS like that, Cloud.
Cloud: Like YOURS is better?
Seph: Of course! ::hair blows dramatically in the wind::
Zar: We can't hold this off forever. Cloud, can't it wait?
Cloud: No, it can't! This is terrible!
Seph: ::sighs irrritably:: This is perfect. Figures he's late to his own debate.
Zar: CLOUD! GET OUT HERE!
Seph: I know! Why don't I argue with Vincent? He's got weird hair.
Vincent: ::standing dramatically, cape and hair blowing around:: Zzzz...
Cid: #&#&er could sleep on a #$^#in' log and not notice. ::sighs::
Zar: Vincent's hair isn't weird, Seph. He doesn't have anti-gravity bangs.
Seph: These are NOT anti-gravity! This happens naturally!
Zar: No it doesn't.
Seph: Yes it does.
Zar: ::looks skeptical::
Seph: Like YOUR hair is any more believable.
Zar: My hair is fine! ::hides::
Cloud: ::walks out, wearing cloth over head like one of those russian woman::
Seph: ::laughs hysterically::
Cloud: ::glares::
Red XIII: Let's get this started, shall we?
Seph: It is my own personal belief that Cloud ran into a hairspray truck while training.
Cloud: ...I did not!
Seph: Did someone stick yer head in a blender, then?
Cloud: NO!
Seph: ::feels one of the spikes sticking out from under the cloth:: Hard as a rock. I bet you could stab someone with these.
Cloud: AAA! Don't touch it! I managed to get it right!
Seph: How could your hair be any more WRONG? What, did it get all flat?
Cloud: ::screams in terror:: NOooooo... ::passes out::
Seph: Oh, for crying out loud.
Red XIII: Hmm...let's bring another debater out here. Tifa, you have weird hair. Why don't you come argue?
Tifa: Me? I'm flatter-...what a minute! MY HAIR ISN'T WEIRD!
Red XIII: And Tifa Lockheart takes the stand!
Tifa: ::reluctantly goes up::
Seph: You know what's always bugged me about your hair? It looks like a dolphin.
Tifa: WHAT?!
Seph: The end looks like flippers. Hasn't anyone told you?
Tifa: ::runs off crying::
Seph: Easy prey.
Red XIII: Um...Aeris?
Aeris: ::gardening:: Me?
Red XIII: Aeris Gainsbourough takes the stand!
Aeris: Um...
Seph: You're hair is a clone of mine.
Aeris: Huh?
Seph: Same bangs, practically same length. You're nothing but a copy.
Aeris: ::stammering:: My....my hair is a LOT different then yours!
Seph: Pff. Looks just like mine if you let out that stupid braid. If that IS a braid. And I don't put materia in my hair.
Aeris: ::runs off crying with Tifa::
Cait Sith: Then where do you put em, Seph?
Seph: ::pauses dramatically:: In my pocket, of course.
Cait Sith: ::deflated:: Darn, I thought that would be a joke of some kind.
Barret: ::accidentally shoots Yuffie:: Dang, this thang go off too easily, yo.
Yuffie: ::explodes::
Zar: ::snickers evilly:: Heh, just like in Blood...
Seph: Come on, Red XIII! Bring out some more saps so I can destroy their fragile self esteem!
Cloud: ::still unconscious::
Red XIII: I guess there's only one more oddly haired person to choose...VINCENT!
Vincent: Zzzz....::still looking dramatic, even while sleeping. Momentary lens flare glances off his claw:: Zzzz...
Red XIII: VINCENT VALENTINE! WAKE UP! ::howls::
Vincent: ::slowly wakes:: Huh...wha..?
Red XIII: We need you to debate with Sephiroth on something.
Vincent: ::shuffles to podium, light glimmers off of claw:: What debate about...? ::yawns::
Red XIII: Hair.
Vincent: ::blinks, ruby red eyes flashing brilliantly:: What...?
Red XIII: How weird the hair is in this game.
Seph: Hey, sleepy. What's with that hair?
Vincent: ::slowly turns, strand of hair blows by his face dramatically:: My hair? ::waking up properly now::
Seph: Do you ever brush it? And why is it always wrapped up in those ribbons? And why is it always blowing around?
Vincent: Your hair is dramatic too, you notice.
Seph: Your hair is nothing. My hair makes me look sexy. All yours does is make you look feminine.
Vincent: ::begins tearing up:: Feminine...
Seph: I don't know...maybe like...
Everyone awake: DON'T!
Seph: LUCRETIA!
Red XIII: HIT THE DECK!
Vincent: ::begins crying hysterically::
Cid: #$^@!
Seph: ::laughing evilly, brushs hair::
Cid: ::jumps up:: Yo, you okay? ::tries to comfort Vincent::
Vincent: ::still weeping:: It's all my fault, I should have done something! I'm a monster...a horrible, horrible...::looks at strand of hair floating dramatically by his tear-stained face:: A horrible, long haired monster! ::cries harder::
Cid: ::glares at Seph:: What the #&@#'s your problem, @#^@#?
Seph: Now the pilot who can't decide whether his hair is grey or blond is coming in? This is too much!
Cid: You long-haired pansy @$# little $^#$&-#$^ %&$*$ mama's boy son of a %$&@#! Go to #$&#!
Seph: ::pause::
Red XIII: It appears as if Sephiroth did no expect something this vicious.
Seph: Did you say something about my mother?!
Cid: ::angry:: Your mama was a #^@$#-@%# $&$#$ $&$#!
Seph: ::draws Masamune::
Red XIII: Uh oh, it appears things are heating up.
Cid: ::kicks Vincent off stage:: Get outta the way!
Vincent: ::sniffs, surprised:: Huh?
Cloud: ::wakes up:: What?
Seph: ::looks between Cid and Cloud:: My argument is with you, Strife.
Cid: ::laughs scornfully:: I won! I won! ::hops off stage, trips over Vincent:: $^@#!
Vincent: Highwind, you stood up for me! How can I repay you!
Cid: Um...
Barret: ::sweatdrop, looks at Zarla:: Lemme guess...
Zar: Hee hee hee hee!
Cloud: What happened? Where am I?
Seph: What's the deal with your hair, Cloud?
Cloud: What's wrong with it?
Seph: Have you ever LOOKED at it?
Cloud: All the time.
Seph: Hasn't it ever bothered you in the least?
Cloud: Seems normal to me. It's your hair that's weird.
Seph: ::taken aback:: MY hair? MY hair is perfection! MY hair is wonderful! MY hair is-
Cloud: Grey.
::slight gasp from the crowd::
Seph: It's not grey, it's silver!
Cloud: Sephiroth is oooold! Sephiroth is oooold! ::dances around::
Seph: ::angry:: Stop that!
Cloud: ::gets right up in Seph's face:: You're an old, old, cranky old man!
Seph: THAT'S IT! ::chases Cloud::
Cloud: Hee hee! I'm too young for you, old man!
Seph: I'M NOT OLD!
::the two run around the stage until finally Seph tackles Cloud behind stage::
Red XIII: ::looks at Zar::
Zar: ::giggling:: What?
Red XIII: ::sighs:: Our last two debaters are...
Barret: ::takes stand::
Cait Sith: ::hops up::
Red XIII: ::buries head in paws::
Barret: My hair ain't weird! My hair is perfectly normal, yo.
Cait Sith: I don't really have hair! Unless you count my fur! ::using megaphone to shout into microphone, nearly deafens everyone::
Cid: What the #$^@ you doin', cat? ::hair is ruffled, as are clothes::
Vincent: Oww...::see above::
Cloud: What was that noise?
Sephiroth: CAIT SITH! I KNOW IT WAS YOU!
Barret: ::shoots away da megaphone::
Cait Sith: My ultimate weapon! NOOOO!
Barret: My hair be perfectly normal.
Cait Sith: We're still talking about that? Okay, I think my hair is normal too, for a cat.
Barret: No it ain't.
Cait Sith: What?
Barret: Don't ask me, I'm just readin da cue cards.
Red XIII: Cue Cards? ::turns to Zarla::
Zar: ::holdin cue cards, notices Red XIII staring at her:: What? This is a debate, right? We need some fighting!
Red XIII: Everyone knows your "debates" always turn into love fests.
Zar: But that's da best part! ::giggles insanely::
Cait Sith: Your hair is pretty weird, Barret. It's all...::gestures helplessly, thinks of something:: short.
Barret: Nice retort, pussy.
Red XIII: Can he say that?
Zar: Well, it's true, I guess...
Cait Sith: That's an insult! ::leaps at Barret::
Barret: No it isnACK! ::tries to pull Cait Sith off face::
Moogle: ::without Cait Sith's control, the moogle runs off to Mexico::
Cait Sith: @$^@!
Zar: Woah. That's rather strong language fer a cat.
Red XIII: This is boring. Is it over?
Zar: I guess. Where's next week's topic?
Red XIII: I think someone put it behind that painting.
Zar: ::pulls down painting:: No! There's nothing here! ::uses infrared radar scope thingy:: Wait! There's a message in fingerprints! Let's see...Wait, it's the old Rinoa one we had before!
Red XIII: I guess that's because we never got around to it before.
Zarla: Screw that! I- ::cuts to commercials::
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