Hello again, and welcome to a bout of stupid playwriting with me and my
favorite and most used co-writer, boredom. ^_^o

 A Night on The Town
Another Stupid Play by Zarla

Starring, in a very specific order only I understand...
Vrumugun
Zangulus
Gourry
Lina
Zelgadis
Amelia
Eris
Rezo
Xellos
Sylphiel
Martina
Zoamelgustar

::As our scene opens (meaning the curtains, assuming this was actually
performed on a stage, which it will never be, but that's beside the 
point), Vrumugun is sitting at his table, sipping Zelgadis Brand
Coffee::
Vrumugun: Ahh...very nice. I haven't had time to myself ever since Eris
cloned me all those times. Thank goodness they're all gone.
::suddenly, there is a knock on the door::
Vrumugun: Zar, if THAT'S what I THINK it is...
Zar: Quiet! It's not yer clones, that would be too predictable. Just 
open da door, Monk-Boy.
Vrumugun: ::sighs, stands and opens door::
Zangulus: I've got a WONDERFUL plan to kill Gourry!
Vrumugun: ::rolls eyes:: How did I KNOW that was what you were going to 
say?
Zangulus: No, I'm SERIOUS this time...
Vrumugun: As serious as you were when you ordered those rocket-powered
Howling Swords from Acme?
Zangulus: I got my money back and three of those by-standers them are 
out of the hospital, so stop harping about it, okay?
Vrumugun: Whatever your stupid plan is, I don't want to hear it.
Zangulus: No no, I need your help. Unless I'm with someone I know, I 
can't do it.
Vrumugun: Why not?
Zangulus: ::whispers:: Martina says that I'll hurt myself unless 
someone watches me. Honestly, that woman sometimes...
Vrumugun: ::turns back towards table:: Why don't you get Zoamelgustar 
to protect you?
Zangulus: I forgot his emblem at home. PLEASE?
Vrumugun: No. I don't even want to SEE them again. They killed me FAR 
too many times.
Zangulus: That wasn't you, those were your KOPII's.
Vrumugun: Why are you saying Kopii?
Zangulus: ::whispers::Cause Zar likes that word.
Zar: I HEARD THAT.
Zangulus: ::sweatdrop:: Anyway, since the ONLY person I think Martina 
trusts is YOU, I decided to ask YOU to come along.
Vrumugun: She makes nice cookies, but no.
Zangulus: PLEEEEEASE? It'll be like old times. You know, when it was 
just the two of us, roaming around and killing people for money...
Vrumugun: Getting assaulted in a alley and being Kopii'd against your
will...
Eris: ::pops in:: WILL YOU NEVER FORGET THAT!?
Vrumugun: It's not comfortable having your reputation ruined by people
running around that look like you except for red stones on their foreheads.
Zangulus: ::kicks Eris out the window:: Where was I? Anyway, I've got this great plan-
Vrumugun: No.
Zangulus: PLEASE?
Vrumugun: No.
Zangulus: I'll get Lina to come and fireball your house.
Vrumugun: ::sweatdrop:: How does SHE know where I live?
Zangulus: She never will if you do this. ::wink wink::
Vrumugun: ::heavy sigh:: ....as long as I don't have to do anything 
stupid.

Soon...

Vrumugun: NO.
Zangulus: Come on! I did it, it's not that bad. Really, it's sort of
comfortable-
Vrumugun: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT. This is STUPID.
Zangulus: Just wear it! Honestly. They'll never expect this from us! We 
can sneak up and stab Gourry in the back while he's not watching or 
suspecting.
Vrumugun: This will NEVER work!
Zangulus: ::shoves Vrumugun into back corner, throws bag at him:: Do it 
or your house goes up in flames.
Vrumugun: ::mutters, takes bag::

Soon (again)...

Vrumugun: ::walks out of back corner:: I feel ridiculous. ::is wearing 
a dress with a necklace and white cloak and a large bonnet over his 
head::
Zangulus: ::already in a evening dress with his hair up in a ponytail:: 
See? ::tries to suppress laughter:: Mmph...Bwa ha ha! Nice dress!
Vrumugun: ::fwaps him with his purse::

At the State Fair, which is a great State Fair, da best State Fair in 
da state...

Lina: What state do we live in, anyway?
Zelgadis: Gourry's in the state of stupidity.
Gourry: .....No!
Amelia: Zelgadis-san! That was mean.
Zelgadis: ::snickers::
Lina: Anyway, this is a lovely state fair. ::charges fireball in case 
Zar feels like singing again::
Zar: Darn! ::keeps writing::
Gourry: Let's go to the fighting section!
Amelia: No, let's watch the clowns!
Lina: FOOD COURT!
Zelgadis: I don't want to be here!
Xellos: Ice cream court.
Zelgadis: ::screams:: Where did YOU come from?
Xellos: I just wanted to tell you all...::floats upside down:: That
something very amusing will be happening soon. Especially with Gourry.
Gourry: What?
Xellos: ::holds finger up:: Sore wa himitsu desu. ::poofs away just in 
time for Zel's Ra Tilt to miss him::
Zelgadis: @##%^!
Amelia: Calm down, Zelgadis-San. I'm sure he didn't-
Zelgadis: I HATE him SO MUCH-
Amelia: Zelgadis-San-
Zelgadis: SHUT UP!
Amelia: ::bursts into tears::
Lina: Food court it is, then.
::the group marches off towards the food court, where Lina orders a 
large amount of food and refuses to share::
Gourry: I'm hungry...::puppy eyes::
Lina: Who cares about YOU?
Amelia: ::still crying rivers::
Zelgadis: Don't you ever shut up? ::holds ears::
Amelia: YOU'RE SO MEAN TO THE SIDE OF JUSTICE!
Zelgadis: My ears....::passes out on the table::
Gourry: Zelgadis? ::tries to lift him, Zelgadis is stuck to the table
because of his hair::
Lina: ::looks up:: Um...
Gourry: What?
Lina: ::points behind him with a chicken leg::
::Lo and behold, a girl with black hair in a ponytail in a evening 
dress and a...peculiar looking girl with brown hair in a small dress 
with a bonnet stand behind him::
Zangulus: Hi Gou-::collapses under pressure and bursts into a fit of
giggles::
Vrumugun: ::sweatdrop:: Please excuse my companion. We are looking for 
a swordsman named Gourry Gabriev.
Gourry: ::smiles:: That's me!
Lina: ::grabs Gourry by the hair, pulls him over the table:: Gourry, 
can I talk to you?
Gourry: My haaair! OW!
Lina: Don't you notice something funny about them?
Gourry: ::blinks innocently:: Well, the one in the bonnet looks kinda 
funny, but other then that-
Lina: You dummy! Look at them!
Gourry: What?
Lina: ::sighs::
Meanwhile, Zangulus and Vrumugun are talking.
Vrumugun: ::looking very embarrassed:: Zangulus, I...I can't do this. 
I'm not a girl, I can't act like one, I can't-
Zangulus: Be quiet or you'll blow our cover! Just stand and try to look
prett-...uh...look...natural. ::sweatdrop::
Vrumugun: I don't need YOUR comments on my appearance, thank you.
Amelia: ::still weeping::
Gourry: So, what do you two want? ::smiles::
Lina: ::continues eating::
Vrumugun: ::blushing, can't talk anymore::
Zangulus: ::has gotten control of himself:: Well, we need your help. 
We're being pursued by a bandit gang, and we need some protection. 
Girls like ourselves can't expect to be well-protected...
Vrumugun: ::snickers under breath::
Zangulus: ::glares at him:: If you're wondering, my friend here was 
punched in the nose, so that's why-
Vrumugun: ::smacks him with a fan::
Zangulus: ::knocked to the floor::
Gourry: ::sweatdrop:: Uh...okay...
Vrumugun: ::tries to regain composure:: We need your help.
Gourry: Sure!
Lina: Do we get paid?
Vrumugun: ::sweatdrop:: Zangulus...
Zangulus: Um...Martina DID give me some money...
Vrumugun: ::nods:: Yes.
Lina: Consider yourself protected! 
Amelia: ::stops weeping:: What are we doing now?
Lina: ::ignores her::
Zelgadis: ::wakes up, finds himself stuck on the table:: Hey...::tries 
to pull himself free:: Heeeey! ::pulls free, leaves a bunch of hair on 
the table::OW! ::rubs head:: I still don't want to be-::stops dead at 
the sight of Vrumugun and Zangulus, falls over laughing::
Gourry: You shouldn't laugh at other people, Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: ::between laughs:: Do you know who those people are?
Gourry: Two perfectly nice girls. Which reminds me, what are your names?
Zangulus: I'm Zangu...I mean...uh...Zizi.
Vrumugun: I'm Vrumug-::gets elbowed by Zangulus:: I suppose you may 
call me Vrummy.
Gourry: That's a weird name.
Vrummy: ::coughs, word Gourry is barely heard:: I'm sorry, I have a 
cold.
Gourry: Huh?
Lina: ::smacks Gourry:: You wouldn't get it anyway...
Gourry: OW!

::the gang heads over to the ring toss, when who should they see but...::
Lina: REZO!?
Rezo: Hello! ::throws a ring, hits someone in the eye::
Someone: OW!
Zelgadis: ::gets look of disgust on his face:: I am going to kill you
someday for REAL, Rezo.
Rezo: ::waves him off:: You say that every time we meet!
Zelgadis: I HATE YOU-::gets cut off as Vrummy tries to run, but is kept 
back by Zizi::
Zizi: Now now, Vrummy, let the nice swordsman win you a prize.
Vrummy: ::under breath:: I'm going to kill you, ZIZI...
Gourry: Do you want me to win you something?
Vrummy: ::tries to put on feminine voice, fails:: I suppose...
Lina: ::gets very jealous:: I can't believe he wins a prize for someone 
like THAT-
Rezo: Who else is with you?
Gourry: Just two girls who need my protection. Their names are Zizi and
Vrummy.
Rezo: Girls? They don't sound like-
Zizi: ::interrupts him:: Hey, how about that pink bunny?
Lina: Mr. Zelga-bunny-chan!
Zelgadis: Must you say that EVERY time we see a bunny?
Lina: Yes!
Rezo: I think I've been doing rather well at the ring toss, myself. 
They keep giving me extra rings. ::throws ring, hits Amelia in the
eye::
Amelia: ::begins crying again::
Zelgadis: ::sweatdrop:: Ugh...
Vrummy: ::blushing, muttering under breath:: This is the STUPIDEST 
thing I have ever done...
Zizi: ::mutters back:: Hey, we'll get our chance. Just relax, okay?
Vrummy: Gourry is going to win me a BUNNY and you tell me to RELAX!?
Zizi: You should be flattered! ::laughs::
Vrummy: ::fwaps him with his purse::
Gourry: Are you done?
Vrummy: ::nods, blushs: Yes, thank you.
Gourry: So am I! ::gives Vrummy the Bunny::
Vrummy: ::blushs, tries to run::
Zizi: Say "Thank You", Vrummy.
Vrummy: ::whispers:: Zangulus, no.
Zizi: ::pokes him:: DO IT.
Vrummy: ::sighs, without much enthusiasm:: Thank you.
Gourry: You're welcome!
Lina: So where's that bandit gang you were talking about?
Zizi: Um...they should be around here...doing...something...
Vrummy: ::whispers:: There's no bandit gang...
Zizi: I know that, and you know that, but-
::Suddenly and very conveniently, a Bandit gang comes and kills 
Amelia::
Zelgadis: Yay!
Lina: ZEL!
Zizi: ::smiles:: They're right there!
Bandit 1: Now you die, evil girls!
Bandit 2: Are those girls?
Bandit 3: They're in a dress, of COURSE they're girls.
Bandit 46: Well, you never know. I mean, in this kind of place, ANYONE 
can put on a dress.
Bandit 12: That one in the bonnet doesn't look like a girl. Looks 
creepy, in fact.
Vrummy: ::turns red::
Bandit 6: You're right, she looks downright weird.
Vrummy: ::holds up two hands::
Bandit 2: Um, guys? I think she knows magic...
Bandit 26: No way, not someone like-
Vrummy: FREEZE ARROW! ::throws extremely large Freeze arrow, freezes 
entire gang::
Everyone (Including Rezo, whos looking somewhere off to the side): ::sweatdrop::
Gourry: You need MY protection?
Zizi: ::turns to Vrummy:: YOU STUPID-
Vrummy: Oops.
Bandits: ::thaw::
Gourry: They're thawing!
Vrummy: Um...::thinks:: Nice Freeze Arrow, Mr. Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: I didn't throw that! You did! And how do you know my name?
Vrummy: ::thinks quickly:: Gourry said it.
Zelgadis: ::looks at Gourry::
Gourry: ::looks at bandits::
Amelia: ::looks dead::
Zelgadis: ::looks at dead Amelia, is happy::
Rezo: ::is not really looking at anything::
Vrummy: STOP IT, ZAR!
Zar: ACK! Sorry!
Gourry: Die, Bandits! ::leaps forward:: Light come forth!
Zizi: ::gets overcome with hatred:: I'll KILLYOU-
Vrummy: ::holds Zizi back:: We can't, ZIZI. Remember?!
Zizi: ::reluctantly calms down::
Gourry: ::easilt defeats bandits:: Is that all, ladies?
Lina: Money money money! GIMME!
Gourry: ::sweatdrop:: I killed the bandits, Lina, shouldn't I-?
Lina:Where's the money? ::glower::
Vrummy: ::keeps calm:: Mr. Gabriev defeated the bandits and he is who 
we hired. Therefore, he shall be the one to get the money.
Lina: ::head gets really big: WHAT?!
Vrummy: ::hides::
Lina: ::flops over with the oddly sized head::
Rezo: Is it just me, or do I sense someone...::reaches behind him, 
grabs Zelgadis' upraised hand holding a dagger:: Behind me?
Zelgadis: I WAS THIS CLOSE-
Rezo: You can't sneak up on me, Zel. I raised you.
Zelgadis: I WILL kill you! 
Rezo: ::shrugs, throws another ring::
Zizi: :ducks, ring gets caught on hair:: Um...we have to pay them?
Vrummy: Yes, Zizi, remember? ::whispers:: When do we stab them?
Zizi: ::whispers back:: Buy us some time. He seems to like you, play it 
up.
Vrummy: ::turns red, fwaps Zizi with his purse::
Gourry: Are you done?
Vrummy: ::turns back, turns red:: Uh...
Zizi: Vrummy just wanted to say she wanted to give you a extra thank 
you for the bunny!
Vrummy: ::turns VERY red, beats Zizi down with his purse::
Gourry: Really? You want to say thank you to ME? I don't think a girl 
has EVER been nice to me, other then Sylphiel...
Sylphiel: ::walks by, weeps, runs away::
Gourry: ::sweatdrop:: Oops.
Vrummy: I take it Lina isn't very nice to you.
Lina: ::still floundering with enormous head::
Zelgadis: Shouldn't that have gone away by now? I think you just did 
that to get her out of the way, Zar.
Zar: SHHH.
Gourry: She hits me and steals my food and calls me all these names, so
yeah, I guess.
Vrummy: ::tries to look sympathetic, fails:: That's very sad.
Zizi: Yaggayaggayagga...::collapsed senseless on the floor::
Zelgadis: ::large sweatdrop:: What's wrong with her?
Vrummy: Epileptic seizure.
Gourry: A what?
Vrummy: Never mind. Get up, Zizi! ::kicks Zizi::
Zizi: OW!
Gourry: Want to go to...um...
Zelgadis: I know! Let's go home! ::ring hits him in the eye:: OW!
Rezo: Sorry!
Zelgadis: Let's leave RIGHT NOW!
Lina: Help me, help meee...::rolls down a hill::
Gourry: Oi, Lina!
Zizi: ::whispers:: Here's our chance!
Vrummy: ::nods::
::The two "ladies" take either of Gourry's arms and begin to lead him 
away::
Zizi: Don't worry, Gourry. She'll be fine. Come on, there's a place we 
have to show you.
Gourry: A place?
Vrummy: ::keeps silent::
Zizi: It's very pretty. We've got a surprise for you.
Zelgadis: Where are YOU three going?
Gourry: ::shrugs::
Zelgadis: My responsibility is done. As a heartless swordsmen, I shall 
now leave my companions and go home. ::smirks, walks on Amelia, heads 
home::
Rezo: Where are you going, Zelgadis? We haven't talked in SO long-
Zelgadis: ::begins running::
Rezo: ::pursues::
Meanwhile...
::The Unsuspecting Gourry is led to the very outskirts of the fair::
Zizi: Just sit and wait for a moment, I have to get something...::runs 
off::
Vrummy: ::stands awkwardly::
Gourry: ::stares at stars:: Hey, Vrummy. Come sit with me.
Vrummy: ::grabs purse tightly, walks over:: Sit?
Gourry: I want to talk to you.
Vrummy: I don't.
Gourry: Don't be mean. I just want to ask you some stuff.
Vrummy: ::sits down 5 feet away::
Gourry: Do you ever feel bad about how you look?
Vrummy: ::sweatdrop:: What kind of question is that?
Gourry: Well, I noticed you were angry at Zizi and the bandits for 
talking about it.
Vrummy: ::looks away:: I've always looked like this, I'm not ashamed of 
it. It's how I look.
Gourry: Has anyone ever told you you're pretty?
Vrummy: No. ::keeps looking away::
Gourry: ::looks thoughtful:: Well then...you're pretty.
Vrummy: ::turns very red, looks at him:: What?
Gourry: I'm serious.
Vrummy: You're lying to make me feel better.
Gourry: Do I look like the type who would lie?
Vrummy: ::sweatdrop:: Um...no.
Gourry: There you go! Come and look at this.
Vrummy: ::unsuspectingly comes closer:: At what?
Gourry: ::points at the sky:: See the stars?
Vrummy: What about them?
Gourry: ::leans closer towards Vrummy:: Lina says that too. I must be 
the only one who thinks they're pretty.
Vrummy: ::sweatdrop::
Gourry: Is Vrummy you're real name? It sounds familiar...
Vrummy: ::sighs:: Yes, it is.
Gourry: Don't be upset, I was just curious. ::leans closer::
Vrummy: What are you doing?
Gourry: Did you know you're eyes are blue like mine?
Vrummy: Um, that was totatally off the point.
Gourry: Lina has red eyes.
Vrummy: Um...I know.
Gourry: Not many have blue eyes.
Vrummy: What ARE you talking about?
Gourry: ::grabs Vrummy, turns him to face him:: I wasn't lying to you. 
You ARE pretty.
Vrummy: I...::starts shaking, hands raise instinctivly:: I can't 
believe this...
Gourry: ::leans closer to him, closer...closer...::
Zar: ::plays Jaws Music::
Zelgadis: ::grabs violin, breaks it over her head:: Just RUIN THE 
MOMENT!
Zar: OW!
Vrummy: ::freaks out:: Free...Freeze...::is trembling::
Gourry: ::VEEEERY close::
Vrummy: FREEZE ARROW! ::fires it off::
Gourry: ::dodges barely, Vrummy scoots away:: Where did that come from?
Vrummy: ::sweatdrop:: I have no idea.
Zizi: Ooo, Vrummy, you sly old dog...
Vrummy: Where did YOU come from? ::fwaps Zizi with his purse::
Zizi: Just distract him for two more minutes...
Vrummy: Do you KNOW what he just TRIED to DO!?
Zizi: Yes! ::giggles hysterically::
Vrummy: ::fwaps him with his purse::
Gourry: Vrummy? Where are you?
Zizi: Distract him or it's fireballs.
Vrummy: ::mutters, agrees:: Over here!
Gourry: Are you okay? I think someone is firing Freeze Arrows around.
Vrummy: I wonder who.
Gourry: Where'd you go?
Vrummy: ::reluctantly stands up:: Right here.
Gourry: ::grabs her:: Get down! ::throws Vrummy roughly to the ground::
Vrummy: OW!
Gourry: ::moves to one side:: Wait, maybe I was imagining it...
Zizi: ::runs by with drawn sword where Gourry was a moment ago, falls 
off cliff::
Vrummy: ::sweatdrop::
Gourry: Well, where were we?
Vrummy: I need to go home, I think.
Zizi: Aaaaaaaaaa....
Gourry: So soon? You're the nicest person I've ever met.
Vrummy: Well, that's nice. I need to find Zizi though, I think she went
home.
Zizi: ::climbs back up::
Gourry: I'll escort you.
Vrummy: No, it's-::gets swept up by Gourry, is carried away::
Zizi: ::laughs so hard he falls back over the cliff::
Back at Vrummy's House (Yes, HE DOES have a house. He has to sleep
SOMEWHERE)
Gourry: Here we are.
Vrummy: ::fixes bonnet:: Thank goodness.
Gourry: Do you have the keys?
Vrummy: ::sweatdrop:: It's MY house, of course I do.
Gourry: Well then...goodnight.
Vrummy: Goodni-
Gourry: ::kisses Vrummy::
Vrummy: ::screams, hits Gourry with the previously mentioned sweatdrop::
Gourry: OW!
Vrummy: ::runs inside, slams door::
Gourry: ::smiles, skips away::
Vrummy: ::runs to sink, washes entire face repeatedly, makes various 
sounds of disgust::
Zizi: ::walks in:: So...how'd it go?
Vrummy: ::fwaps him with his purse::

The End
(I said it was stupid. ^_^o)

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